Joe Santagato

Okay, cool. So three times slam poetry of the year, Francisco. I asked him for your 33rd birthday to write you a little poem. And he went on like a 40-minute rant about... I have a feeling I'm going to be offended by this. I don't think so, honestly. I really don't think so. So Francisco wrote you a brief poem. He wanted me to read it to you. Okay. Are you going to perform it as him?

I mean, I can't. That would be disrespectful.

I mean, I can't. That would be disrespectful.

I mean, I can't. That would be disrespectful.

I'm just going to read it as he intended it, as the Lord intended it. Okay. Okay? So he said that this poem is called Joey. Right. For you, for your birthday. My birthday. Okay. Born white as milk. Frank. Frank.

I'm just going to read it as he intended it, as the Lord intended it. Okay. Okay? So he said that this poem is called Joey. Right. For you, for your birthday. My birthday. Okay. Born white as milk. Frank. Frank.

I'm just going to read it as he intended it, as the Lord intended it. Okay. Okay? So he said that this poem is called Joey. Right. For you, for your birthday. My birthday. Okay. Born white as milk. Frank. Frank.

I'm not Francisco. Try. Just do your best impression. Do an impression of the guy, dude. I don't have... People want to hear the impression. I don't have his get up. I don't have his... Just do it. It's my birthday. Okay. Born white as milk, with hair that's dark but has since gone gray. All right. It's a couple of strands on the side.

I'm not Francisco. Try. Just do your best impression. Do an impression of the guy, dude. I don't have... People want to hear the impression. I don't have his get up. I don't have his... Just do it. It's my birthday. Okay. Born white as milk, with hair that's dark but has since gone gray. All right. It's a couple of strands on the side.

I'm not Francisco. Try. Just do your best impression. Do an impression of the guy, dude. I don't have... People want to hear the impression. I don't have his get up. I don't have his... Just do it. It's my birthday. Okay. Born white as milk, with hair that's dark but has since gone gray. All right. It's a couple of strands on the side.

With a best friend whose looks are so astounding, some have even thought, is Joe gay? Did that? Oh, gray and gay.

With a best friend whose looks are so astounding, some have even thought, is Joe gay? Did that? Oh, gray and gay.

With a best friend whose looks are so astounding, some have even thought, is Joe gay? Did that? Oh, gray and gay.

No. You can't say that. Little freckles. Little freckles. Little boy playing football, basketball. Oh, yay, sports. Five foot. A buck.

No. You can't say that. Little freckles. Little freckles. Little boy playing football, basketball. Oh, yay, sports. Five foot. A buck.

No. You can't say that. Little freckles. Little freckles. Little boy playing football, basketball. Oh, yay, sports. Five foot. A buck.

Oh, okay. Five foot. A buck ten pounds. His shirts look like dresses. His boxers look like shorts. Hair like silk. Skin, olive oil, gold. Joe doesn't have this, but his best friend Frank has all of those. Okay, yeah. So we're using this. This is for my birthday, by the way. Joey lives life with a pencil dick. Frankie. What are you laughing at, Giggles?

Oh, okay. Five foot. A buck ten pounds. His shirts look like dresses. His boxers look like shorts. Hair like silk. Skin, olive oil, gold. Joe doesn't have this, but his best friend Frank has all of those. Okay, yeah. So we're using this. This is for my birthday, by the way. Joey lives life with a pencil dick. Frankie. What are you laughing at, Giggles?

Oh, okay. Five foot. A buck ten pounds. His shirts look like dresses. His boxers look like shorts. Hair like silk. Skin, olive oil, gold. Joe doesn't have this, but his best friend Frank has all of those. Okay, yeah. So we're using this. This is for my birthday, by the way. Joey lives life with a pencil dick. Frankie. What are you laughing at, Giggles?

This is fucking bullshit. Joey lives life with a pencil dick. Where Frank? Garden hose. Yeah. Jalopy Joe, more like Sloppy Joe. He's a carbon copy of his mommy and poppy Joe. Making some pennies delivering pizza and working parties betting on himself. Now we're with cocky Joe. Okay. Ah, a full media empire. King YouTube, everyone settle down, kids. Son of a bitch.