John Mulaney

First off, my wife has an attractive friend named Jody, and she was over at the house the other day.

And somehow when someone's good-looking, it makes everything more embarrassing.

It's unfortunate, but when people are ugly, you're like, eh, who cares?

They see me vomit on myself or do whatever.

But when they're hot, it gets a little more embarrassing.

Jody's a good-looking blonde, and she's sitting there.

And I was...

I'm trying to get my kids to cuddle with me, to come into bed and cuddle with me.

I like to cuddle.

My son, it's really weird because as bitchy as my daughter is, my son is sweet.

They both have their separate baths.

And a couple nights ago, I went to climb in to Natalia's bed.

And I said, I'm going to lie down with you, Natalia, and give you a little cuddle before you go to bed.

And she said, no, no, get away, get away.

She pushes me, and she's fucking with me.

Get away, get away.

And I hear this little voice.

It's Sonny's voice coming from the other side of the room.

He's on his bed.

And he said, Daddy, I'll love you.