John Mulaney

You want to sit by the window.

I want to sit by my wife.

How about we swap seats?

Wait a minute.

You want something from me.

And even though I want to sit by the window and I don't give a shit, I'm not going to let this opportunity go past because all of a sudden you want something from me.

It has a lot more value.

And when you have those sales at the department store and you see the women fighting over the last handbag, it's always women.

It's never two dudes holding a crescent wrench and arguing over the last one of those.

It's a feminine thing.

She clearly, she's much more intelligent than my son is.

She understands how to manipulate things and people and she fucking works it.

Like, she takes her Winnie the Pooh.

She doesn't want to go to bed.

at night so she takes her winnie the pooh teddy bear and she stashes it downstairs somewhere and then she gets into bed and then a certain point she's like i need my winnie the pooh and we're like where'd you put it i don't know and then me and my wife like retards have to go walk around the house looking for the fucking winnie the pooh and she's not going to bed until she gets her winnie the pooh she doesn't really need her winnie the pooh yeah she needs to stay up she wants to stay up

And once she established, I'm going to go nuts until I get my Winnie the Pooh, then we all just have to search the house until someone comes up with it.

Now it's on us, by the way.

Once we start looking for the Winnie the Pooh, it's incumbent upon us to find Pooh before she goes to bed.

Right.

Smart.