John Mulaney

Maybe he can't get... Well, your dad is buying the tires that came with the car instead of just buying any 195, 60 Series, 15 that you can find at Tire Rack or whatever.

Well, ooh, nice, the compound.

Yeah, nice.

No, what happens is people make these mistakes.

Like Dr. Drew, when he took his BMW to the dealership to get car tires, I love white guy problems, and they fucking gouge the shit out of you.

You don't bring your car to the dealership.

And here's the other thing.

If you go to a strip club, you don't go to the VIP room for a handjob.

No, I think it went better.

I'd just go into the bathroom, find the guy selling the lavors and the mints and give him an extra 10 for a hand.

Is that what he's there for?

Always wondered why he was in the bathroom.

Well, what's he doing in the bathroom when you've got a boner?

staring at boners and sniffing ass for a nine-hour shift.

You feel sorry for the guy?

Because he's acting cheery about it.

Well, the part I don't like is when you wash your hands at the sink because it's filled with pussy drippings and stripper glitter, and you raise your hands up and he hands you the towel.

Yeah.

And when he hands you the towel, when you accept the towel, it's a tacit agreement now.

Like, you must... Absolutely.