John Mulaney
👤 SpeakerAppearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
Always wondered why he was in the bathroom.
Well, what's he doing in the bathroom when you've got a boner?
staring at boners and sniffing ass for a nine-hour shift.
You feel sorry for the guy?
Because he's acting cheery about it.
Well, the part I don't like is when you wash your hands at the sink because it's filled with pussy drippings and stripper glitter, and you raise your hands up and he hands you the towel.
And when he hands you the towel, when you accept the towel, it's a tacit agreement now.
Like, you must... Absolutely.
You must return.
So now you sit there like you don't know what to do, and I have this weird...
I don't know.
I guess, I don't know.
Everyone has it.
I'm cheap, but I spend a lot of money.
It's a weird Corolla gene.
And I will go in there, back in that club, and make it rain with balled-up 20s.
But as soon as I get into that bathroom and the guy wants $2 because he gave me a Tic Tac in a town, like, fuck that.
What do I look like?
Fucking Daddy Warbucks?