John Oliver

That's right, Mike.

That's right, Mike.

As Scripture tells us, men are men, and women are women, and God is his own son, and some mothers are virgins, and some mothers-in-law are pillars of salt, and some daughters are sex partners, and colorful coats are dream tellers, and brothers are murderers, but also, brothers are backup husbands for wives, and babies can be for splitting in half, and water is wine, and also with you, sorry, and with your spirit.

As Scripture tells us, men are men, and women are women, and God is his own son, and some mothers are virgins, and some mothers-in-law are pillars of salt, and some daughters are sex partners, and colorful coats are dream tellers, and brothers are murderers, but also, brothers are backup husbands for wives, and babies can be for splitting in half, and water is wine, and also with you, sorry, and with your spirit.

As Scripture tells us, men are men, and women are women, and God is his own son, and some mothers are virgins, and some mothers-in-law are pillars of salt, and some daughters are sex partners, and colorful coats are dream tellers, and brothers are murderers, but also, brothers are backup husbands for wives, and babies can be for splitting in half, and water is wine, and also with you, sorry, and with your spirit.

What is your take on the constitutional crisis? Well, the reality is the Constitution is badly broken and out of date. Young people in particular never read it anymore, even though it's almost ridiculously easy to steal from the National Archives.

What is your take on the constitutional crisis? Well, the reality is the Constitution is badly broken and out of date. Young people in particular never read it anymore, even though it's almost ridiculously easy to steal from the National Archives.

Well, I believe this Fifth Amendment says I don't have to answer that question. All right, I understand. In fact, that means it's a good one, so we're going to keep it. There we go.

Well, I believe this Fifth Amendment says I don't have to answer that question. All right, I understand. In fact, that means it's a good one, so we're going to keep it. There we go.

Well, let's start at the top, John. It's going to need a hip new name. Constitution. It's very negative, isn't it? Why not something a little more positive? Why not a pro-stitution?

Well, let's start at the top, John. It's going to need a hip new name. Constitution. It's very negative, isn't it? Why not something a little more positive? Why not a pro-stitution?

I've already made the change. Ah. Which brings me to solution number two. Let's trim the fat. I mean, basically, everything after Amendment 10 wasn't written by the founders, so that can go. And some prominent constitutional scholars think we can go even further than that.

I've already made the change. Ah. Which brings me to solution number two. Let's trim the fat. I mean, basically, everything after Amendment 10 wasn't written by the founders, so that can go. And some prominent constitutional scholars think we can go even further than that.

A few mallet-wielding, brain-bullied lawyers overruling the will of the people? It's undemocratic, John. And it brings me to my third solution. Let's give the prostitution back to the people. By putting it on the internet. I give you the wiki prostitution. It's a... Open source document, a marketplace of ideas where the will of the people can finally speak.

A few mallet-wielding, brain-bullied lawyers overruling the will of the people? It's undemocratic, John. And it brings me to my third solution. Let's give the prostitution back to the people. By putting it on the internet. I give you the wiki prostitution. It's a... Open source document, a marketplace of ideas where the will of the people can finally speak.

It already has 6,000 new amendments, and as you can see, the people in their wisdom have outlawed anchor babies, legalized marijuana, and apparently we have banned werewolves. That makes sense, actually. Team Edward is very active on the Wiki prostitution.

It already has 6,000 new amendments, and as you can see, the people in their wisdom have outlawed anchor babies, legalized marijuana, and apparently we have banned werewolves. That makes sense, actually. Team Edward is very active on the Wiki prostitution.

But wait a minute, John. That's Glenn Beck's defense of the Constitution. It took a long time to write. If that's the criteria, then that screenplay about the Noid that you started back in the late 80s will be the greatest document of all time.

But wait a minute, John. That's Glenn Beck's defense of the Constitution. It took a long time to write. If that's the criteria, then that screenplay about the Noid that you started back in the late 80s will be the greatest document of all time.

Anyway, you didn't play Senator Sessions' entire soundbite.