TDS Time Machine | The Constitution
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What is the significance of the 14th Amendment?
The National... The national immigration debate is more contentious than ever, with growing fears of these anchor babies we talked about earlier. Terror babies. Muppet babies coming to our shores. By the way, you should check out the new Muppet character, Anchor Me Terror Baby. Adorably destructive to our country. The trouble stems from the Constitution itself, specifically the 14th Amendment's promise of birthright citizenship.
The 14th Amendment granted citizenship to, quote, all persons born or naturalized in the United States to protect newly freed slaves and their children and guarantee their rights as citizens. Last time I checked, I don't think we're having that problem anymore.
Does the Constitution need updating?
I don't think the founders understood when they did the 14th Amendment that it would create a circumstance where people could fly into America all over the world and have a child, and that child would have dual citizenship.
How did John Hodgman propose to fix the Constitution?
Okay, two things real quick. A, the founders didn't write the 14th Amendment. That happened in the 1860s. And actually, Ben Franklin very much wanted to fly and have babies all around the world. That's why he invented the sex kite. Anyway, um... Does the Constitution need changing? For answers, we turn to John Hodgman in his segment. You're welcome. John Hodgman joins us. Thank you very much for joining us. I appreciate you being here.
What is your take on the constitutional crisis? Well, the reality is the Constitution is badly broken and out of date. Young people in particular never read it anymore, even though it's almost ridiculously easy to steal from the National Archives.
That's the actual Constitution?
Well, I believe this Fifth Amendment says I don't have to answer that question. All right, I understand. In fact, that means it's a good one, so we're going to keep it. There we go.
Are you drawing on the... Okay. Yeah. How are you going to get young people involved in the Constitution?
Well, let's start at the top, John. It's going to need a hip new name. Constitution. It's very negative, isn't it? Why not something a little more positive? Why not a pro-stitution?
Actually, there's one reason I can think of that that wouldn't really be a good idea. Too late.
I've already made the change. Ah. Which brings me to solution number two. Let's trim the fat. I mean, basically, everything after Amendment 10 wasn't written by the founders, so that can go. And some prominent constitutional scholars think we can go even further than that.
California, along with so many other states, defining traditionally what marriage is, and to see that third branch of government undoing the will of the people, it's frustrating.
Yeah, but the founders established judiciary. Now, just to abolish it because you don't agree with it, that seems... What?
A few mallet-wielding, brain-bullied lawyers overruling the will of the people? It's undemocratic, John. And it brings me to my third solution. Let's give the prostitution back to the people. By putting it on the internet. I give you the wiki prostitution. It's a... Open source document, a marketplace of ideas where the will of the people can finally speak. It already has 6,000 new amendments, and as you can see, the people in their wisdom have outlawed anchor babies, legalized marijuana, and apparently we have banned werewolves. That makes sense, actually. Team Edward is very active on the Wiki prostitution.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What is the significance of the 14th Amendment?
0:56–1:35
2
Does the Constitution need updating?
1:35–1:49
3
How did John Hodgman propose to fix the Constitution?
1:49–5:32
4
Who is Gregory Watson and what did he accomplish?
5:32–6:44
5
How did Gregory Watson get the 27th Amendment ratified?
6:44–11:01
6
What challenges does Mississippi face in changing its reputation?
11:01–33:55
Speakers
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