John Oliver

Anyway, you didn't play Senator Sessions' entire soundbite.

See, John, he was only talking about the Second Amendment. Guns, John. Of course we can't change that clause. Look, the founders made it Sharpie-proof. I can't do anything to it. Damn it. Their original intent is clear.

See, John, he was only talking about the Second Amendment. Guns, John. Of course we can't change that clause. Look, the founders made it Sharpie-proof. I can't do anything to it. Damn it. Their original intent is clear.

Or no one minus one? I should tell you that I'm a noted founding father psychologist. As you would know if you had read my book, Men Are From Mars, James Madison was a godlike genius who could do no wrong, and I am the only one who knows what he was thinking. Now, how could you know what James Madison was actually thinking? Didn't you even look at the cover of my book, John? I thought I did.

Or no one minus one? I should tell you that I'm a noted founding father psychologist. As you would know if you had read my book, Men Are From Mars, James Madison was a godlike genius who could do no wrong, and I am the only one who knows what he was thinking. Now, how could you know what James Madison was actually thinking? Didn't you even look at the cover of my book, John? I thought I did.

I get it straight from James Madison's skull.

I get it straight from James Madison's skull.

What?

What?

That's a ridiculous premise, John, but I'll play along. After all, even James Madison recognized a higher authority at work.

That's a ridiculous premise, John, but I'll play along. After all, even James Madison recognized a higher authority at work.

Yeah, a lot of people think that that's true, but that's an easily fixed misconception. If you scroll down now to New Amendment 6666, I think you'll see that the Bible is now actually a prostitutional amendment. So it's all in there.

Yeah, a lot of people think that that's true, but that's an easily fixed misconception. If you scroll down now to New Amendment 6666, I think you'll see that the Bible is now actually a prostitutional amendment. So it's all in there.

What? Oh, James Madison said the separation of church and state was just their little joke.

What? Oh, James Madison said the separation of church and state was just their little joke.

Are you saying that this guy actually got a constitutional amendment ratified?

Are you saying that this guy actually got a constitutional amendment ratified?

And that's the story of how Gregory Watson got a... Oh, no, you don't have to look at the camera. Why are you talking? I was just delivering my line.

And that's the story of how Gregory Watson got a... Oh, no, you don't have to look at the camera. Why are you talking? I was just delivering my line.

Hang on, hang on. I'm John Hodgman. I'm still on television sometimes. We're done.