John Tothill

And I remember saying to my mum, I feel like I want to die.

Like, I feel like I want to be dead.

And she said, you said that two weeks ago when you lost your phone.

And I did.

So...

I'm not a reliable narrator of any of this next bit.

Take this with a pinch of salt.

Now, I went to this pharmacy to get more laxatives, which is a five-minute walk away, and I did that walk in 45 minutes.

So I thought, OK, right, I'm going to have to go to the hospital.

And hospitals are difficult environments, aren't they?

Because also, the hospital, as an adult, is a place where you have to kind of advocate for yourself, right?

Which basically means doing an impression of your own mum, you know?

And that's adulthood, isn't it, sadly?

You go around as an adult doing impressions of your own parents until eventually it sticks.

The other day I roasted a chicken.

It was like a drag act or something.

What the fuck's going on here?

Am I in the opening number of a musical or something?

Bizarre.

So I went into this A&E waiting room and eventually they said, right, the doctor will see you now.