Jon Stewart

Patrick driving the snakes out of Ireland, Mayor Giuliani and a contingent of New York's finest.

will use the parade to drive minorities out of Manhattan.

And, John, I should mention that even hardcore New Yorkers really seem to be enjoying themselves today, soaking up the sunshine and using the parade as a distraction to fondle and plant drugs on unsuspecting tourists.

And later in the day, the revelers will wind their way through the streets of Manhattan, eventually ending up in northern Manhattan for the traditional beating of the Protestants.

As in past years, the parade has banned gays from marching.

Is there any backlash to that?

Backlash?

I don't know where you're getting your information from, John, because I don't think it could be any gayer.

Men openly marching in skirts, sucking on large pipes attached to hairy sacks.

Of course, we all know that Cardinal O'Connor did approve the ban on gays in deference to St.

Patrick, who, by the way, changed his name from Maewyn Suket upon entering the priesthood, a tradition continued by priests to this very day.

mainly to avoid the hassles of Megan's Law.

Thank you very much, Vance.

Excellent reporting.

Please drive safely and remember to take your hand out of your ear.

The nation celebrates St.

Patrick's Day.

Sawdust and Lysol manufacturers celebrate day after St.

Patrick's Day.

Saturday was St.