Jon Stewart

Well, according to a story from Republican Congressman Andy Barr, that definitely happened.

It's the Democrats.

And then she said to me, you're an American hero, Andy.

Come use the special line we reserve for the most handsome of men.

And I did.

And as I was collecting my luggage, she said, Andy, I love you, Andy.

And we started to kiss and she was very attractive and we got to know each other.

Then she had my baby.

And then she said, you have to take care of this baby, Andy.

You're too important.

Plus, you have a flight to catch.

Go save the country from the Democrats who, again, are bad and evil and not as hot as you, Andy.

Thank you.

But while Andy Barr's fan fiction about this TSA adventure is obviously bullshit, it's more important to note that the underlying point he was making is also bullshit.

Because even Senate Republicans admit this whole thing could have been over by now if not for one man.

Donald Trump said no deal?

The dealmaker himself said no deal?

So wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You'll take gifts from a country we're at war with, but you won't make a deal with the Democrats to keep the government running.

What if they offered you something really expensive?