Jon Stewart

Donald, what is it that you want?

What's so important that you'll keep us all waiting in security lines for a fortnight?

No, no, that's right.

Trump does not believe in mail-in cheating, all right?

If you want to cheat, you do it in person, okay?

But hey, but hey, Trump is standing on principle.

The man thinks voting by mail is an existential threat to democracy, full stop, period.

President Donald Trump cast a mail-in ballot in an upcoming Florida special election.

Semicolon.

asterisk, dollar sign, number four, exclamation point.

That's me cursing because Trump lies all the time.

So yes, you're gonna have to wait in line at TSA like it's a sneaker drop because voting.

It's the kind of logical connection that makes perfect sense if your brains are made of Biscoff.

The war in Iran is everywhere.

It comes up in financial news because of its effect on oil.

It comes up in celebrity news, like when Chaperone's bodyguard made the Ayatollah cry because he looked at her.

And now the war is even creeping its way into the weather.

They could be looking at some haboobs developing there.

Excuse me, Al, what did you just say?

Her boobs?