Jon Stewart

The president is focused on taking Cuba.

His movement is split amongst themselves, and the media is turning into TMZ.

I mean, the quality of our discourse has absolutely vanished.

And in these fraught times, is it too much

to ask for just a little bit of thoughtfulness and dignity.

If we could just have the smallest amount, it would still be bigger than Mark Levin's penis.

As the war continues into its third week, oil prices are skyrocketing, which is devastating for everyday Americans like commuters, truck drivers, and that guy from Dune who lives in a pool of oil.

He can only afford to bathe in a kiddie pool now.

It's really demoralizing.

And if you're thinking, that's fine.

I rarely bathe in a pool of oil.

This won't affect me.

Think again.

Now, if oil prices keep rising, this flows through to a lot of areas.

Heating oil goes up, airline ticket prices go up, delivery services, public transit can go up, and groceries, child care, elder care.

Gas is affecting elder care?

I swear to God, if this means my grandmother can't send me $10 for my birthday, she's dead to me.

Yes.

For those of you who drop your nana off on a Delta flight in the morning and just let her circle around in the sky all day, it's gonna get a lot more expensive.

And it may surprise you, but those tennis balls old people put on the bottom of their walkers come directly through the Strait of Hormuz.