Jon Stewart

No crown molding, no peace.

When I say crystal, you say stemware.

Crystal.

Crystal.

I can't believe how well that works.

We don't rehearse any of that.

How easily fascism comes to America.

Chant with me.

So we've always wanted a giant ballroom.

And then, as soon as the man surprises us by completely demolishing the east wing of the White House after announcing that he would not touch it at all, suddenly, everybody's got a problem.

Well, maybe you'd like to file an appeal with the things already not here anymore, board.

You know, the man...

is just trying to give Americans a $300 million space that we could use four to six times a year.

And you're all worried if it's the right shade of historic federal gray from Farrow and Ball.

It's like we don't even want to be happy.

And then, as if that's not bad enough, after Trump builds us a double the White House next to the White House,

We won't even offer him the simplest of thanks.

We act like he's in it for himself.

How dare you, sir?

At long last, have you no decency?