Jonathan Fields

So if I'm hearing it correctly, part of what you're saying is that when we start with the deeper aspects, the qualities that we know have over time really been nourishing to us in other people.

And if we search for that in a potential partner.

that sometimes the physical attraction can come second.

It kind of follows that, but that's not the popular lore.

The popular lore is it starts with a, I see you across the room, something inside me biologically lights up,

And then from there, so we start out in a physical thing and then from there we grow to appreciate each other on these different levels.

And what you're offering up, if I understand this correctly, is that actually it is possible to reverse that.

Hmm.

So you described what the top qualities were on the dream list.

Do you see similar patterns across now thousands of people on the elevator list?

Is there like a top one, two, and three, which just recur all the time?

Hmm.

So that's people who love me for me and people who will be there for me.

When you say to people, start doing that yourself, are you talking about directed towards other people or directed towards yourself?

Where does vulnerability fall on that list?

So then how does somebody earn your story?

My curiosity is really around the role of vulnerability in finding lasting love.

And because it's uncomfortable for so many people to, quote, go there.

Or as you described, sometimes people just go there out of the gate and you sort of get fire hosed with sometimes performative vulnerability.

Yeah.