Jonquilyn Hill

That's fair. Iris doesn't really care about the Oscars that much. So she sort of just like half watches the ceremony, which is pretty boring that year. She's mostly watching her phone. The ceremony has just cut to commercial when Teddy finally texts her that the Uber is on its way to him. Iris is like, thank God my long national nightmare is almost over.

That's fair. Iris doesn't really care about the Oscars that much. So she sort of just like half watches the ceremony, which is pretty boring that year. She's mostly watching her phone. The ceremony has just cut to commercial when Teddy finally texts her that the Uber is on its way to him. Iris is like, thank God my long national nightmare is almost over.

A few minutes later, Teddy texts Iris again. He writes, okay, change of plan. Iris's stomach just drops. Apparently the Uber driver had gotten freaked out by Teddy's request. Teddy had had to show the Uber driver what was in the box that he had wanted delivered. And even after seeing the dog statue, the Uber driver had made Teddy get in the car too. So Iris is beginning to sweat.

A few minutes later, Teddy texts Iris again. He writes, okay, change of plan. Iris's stomach just drops. Apparently the Uber driver had gotten freaked out by Teddy's request. Teddy had had to show the Uber driver what was in the box that he had wanted delivered. And even after seeing the dog statue, the Uber driver had made Teddy get in the car too. So Iris is beginning to sweat.

Luckily, they had ordered Thai for dinner so she can blame her sweating on her extra spicy drunken noodles. Best documentary feature is about to be presented as Iris is sweating and Teddy is updating her on his location. Iris isn't just nervous because all of this is categorically insane.

Luckily, they had ordered Thai for dinner so she can blame her sweating on her extra spicy drunken noodles. Best documentary feature is about to be presented as Iris is sweating and Teddy is updating her on his location. Iris isn't just nervous because all of this is categorically insane.

She's nervous because she knows that to get to the front door of the townhouse, you have to open like a little fence and go a couple feet to the door. And the sound of the fence opening always makes Noodle bark. She texts Teddy, like, remind the driver that he shouldn't linger at the door too long. And Teddy's like, okay, got it. Iris is staring at the TV screen, seeing nothing.

She's nervous because she knows that to get to the front door of the townhouse, you have to open like a little fence and go a couple feet to the door. And the sound of the fence opening always makes Noodle bark. She texts Teddy, like, remind the driver that he shouldn't linger at the door too long. And Teddy's like, okay, got it. Iris is staring at the TV screen, seeing nothing.

She barely registers Chris Rock say, Jada, I love you. G.I. Jane 2, can't wait to see it. Do you remember what happened after this? Keep my wife's name! So Iris just immediately forgets her reverse heist because without warning, Will Smith goes from laughing at Chris Rock's joke to climbing up onto the stage. And well, we all know what happened next.

She barely registers Chris Rock say, Jada, I love you. G.I. Jane 2, can't wait to see it. Do you remember what happened after this? Keep my wife's name! So Iris just immediately forgets her reverse heist because without warning, Will Smith goes from laughing at Chris Rock's joke to climbing up onto the stage. And well, we all know what happened next.

immediately the room dissolves into shrieks of, what the fuck just happened? Was that part of the show? Oh my God, was that real? A full 10 minutes pass before any of them think to check their phones, at which point Iris learns that her reversed heist has hit yet another roadblock. Because while Will Smith was slapping the shit out of Chris Rock...

immediately the room dissolves into shrieks of, what the fuck just happened? Was that part of the show? Oh my God, was that real? A full 10 minutes pass before any of them think to check their phones, at which point Iris learns that her reversed heist has hit yet another roadblock. Because while Will Smith was slapping the shit out of Chris Rock...

The Uber driver had been getting more and more freaked out. And the situation isn't helped by the fact that as the car gets closer and closer to the townhouse, Teddy is just sliding further and further down the seat so he won't be visible from the outside. Instead of delivering the box to the door as planned, the Uber driver sort of just like chucked it over the fence into the front yard. Oh!

The Uber driver had been getting more and more freaked out. And the situation isn't helped by the fact that as the car gets closer and closer to the townhouse, Teddy is just sliding further and further down the seat so he won't be visible from the outside. Instead of delivering the box to the door as planned, the Uber driver sort of just like chucked it over the fence into the front yard. Oh!

which is why Noodle hasn't barked. Iris is like silently dying inside. She keeps checking the app on her phone that's connected to the cameras to check on the package, which she can see is like right in the front yard. Luckily, Blake and Michael are engrossed in their phones trying to figure out what the fuck just happened on screen.

which is why Noodle hasn't barked. Iris is like silently dying inside. She keeps checking the app on her phone that's connected to the cameras to check on the package, which she can see is like right in the front yard. Luckily, Blake and Michael are engrossed in their phones trying to figure out what the fuck just happened on screen.

There's like Zapruder film level analysis happening online of the minutes leading up to and immediately after the slap. Iris feels insane. She's like, what is going on tonight? Finally, though, finally, Blake gets up to let Noodle out for the last pee of the night. And from the front porch, Iris hears Blake say, what the fuck is that?

There's like Zapruder film level analysis happening online of the minutes leading up to and immediately after the slap. Iris feels insane. She's like, what is going on tonight? Finally, though, finally, Blake gets up to let Noodle out for the last pee of the night. And from the front porch, Iris hears Blake say, what the fuck is that?

Blake comes back into the house with the box and is like, did y'all order something? Michael and Iris are both shaking their head no. Iris is just like vibrating out of her skin watching Blake open this box.

Blake comes back into the house with the box and is like, did y'all order something? Michael and Iris are both shaking their head no. Iris is just like vibrating out of her skin watching Blake open this box.