Jordan Klepper

Maybe I should go to church in Staten Island.

Jesus curing the lepers.

Meanwhile, Mary Magdalene is over here with the big slapping around.

Forget about it.

Corinthians 416.

While some New Yorkers are turning so red Curtis Sliwa could wear them as a hat, other New Yorkers are processing their emotions in a different way.

New Yorkers are going to flee.

They're going to flee New York because of Zoran Mamdani.

With this guy in charge, you know, they're talking about a million people leaving New York City.

A full 9% of people say that they will leave.

Wow.

You're telling me 9% of apartments are about to become available?

Holy shit.

That would be the fastest a mayor has ever delivered on a campaign promise.

But seriously, you know, seriously, though, I don't want a million people to leave New York City.

I want two million people to leave New York City.

My subway commute this morning was so packed, I had to sit on an elderly man's lap, and he was already stacked on top of a pregnant teenager.

Now, I highly doubt that most people will follow through on their threats to leave New York.

But it turns out, one New Yorker already has his bags packed.

And he happens to be the current mayor of New York City.