Jordan Klepper

Filthy, dirty, the job they do is horrible.

It's become a crime-infested place.

Mothers can't walk their children to the park without fear of being shot.

It's a disturbing picture.

Moms being stuck inside with their children all day.

But Trump didn't always think New York was a New York 2.

Back in the day, he thought it was an LA 10.

There's a greater energy in New York.

There's a greater verve or a greater drive.

New York City is the hottest city in the world right now.

You know, I happen to be the biggest developer in the hottest city, so that's a very cool thing.

That's right.

Not that long ago, Trump wanted to bang New York right in the Holland Tunnel.

Sure, it wasn't a perfect relationship.

There was the time in the 80s when Trump tried to evict his rent-controlled tenants.

Then there was the time he wrote a letter to the mayor complaining that hot dog vendors were, I shit you not, splattering ketchup and mustard on the sidewalk.

To be fair, it was a travesty.

Sidewalks are a sacred space where New Yorkers go to the bathroom.

And things between Trump and New York almost came to a head in 2011 when Trump committed what can only be considered a New York City war crime.

Trump, what the fork is wrong with you?