Josh Gondelman

Heavyweight Kingsley Ibe landed an uppercut so ferocious it knocked his opponent's toupee clean off his head.

The crowd was shocked, even though we can all agree that being bald is a cool and hot way for a guy to look.

And the competitor himself, Jarrell Miller, whose nickname is Big Baby, perhaps because of his smooth scalp, was surprised as well.

I wasn't sure it was coming off, but I felt a draft, like AC hitting my scalp, Miller said.

Sure enough, I look at the Jumbotron, and my hair is flapping, and the crowd is going crazy.

Undeterred by his follicular malfunction, Miller tore the wig the rest of the way off his head and threw it into the crowd.

He went on to win the fight in a tight split decision, fittingly emerging victorious by a hair.

It's okay.

The giant biker across the room getting a tattoo of DW on his chest kind of nodded in respect.

Let's have everybody say it on three.

One, two, three.

Jeffrey.

Jeffrey.

Jeffrey.

Wait.

Is this the last journalism left in the Washington Post?

Is Jeff Bezos himself writing an article, be nice to Jeffreys?

I don't know about worse.

They just can't stop piercing the veil of the unknown with language and insight.

It's true.