Josh van Cuylenburg

speaker

2,789 appearances 21 recordings 1 series first heard Jan 2026 last heard 20 Sep

Josh van Cuylenburg’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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recordings per month · last 12 months

Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 21 in all, peaking in Jul 2026 with 4.

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The Imperfects · Our Phone Odyssey Begins · 19 Jul 2026 podcast

So...

Yeah, but to give a bit of background, I think it's probably best to start with me and then I can go to the book.

I was shocked rereading.

It put me back in a state that I was and I was really surprised at how low my self-esteem was in my mid to early 20s.

And the kind of things I used to say to myself a lot being a sort of a waste of potential talent, a sort of perpetual loser.

I wrote down here the other day, one who overthought everything and under committed to everything else.

And if there was a way to sort of have a go at myself in my twenties, I would find it.

Not to say that I didn't have a lot of fun in my twenties as well and had, like I met the love of my life.

I traveled, I did so many good things and there was some real, there was so much ups, but there was also a lot of downs.

And I think the sort of default state when I was alone was one of low self-esteem to say.

And in contrast to that, when I looked at Hugh, and I think one of the reasons why I'm nervous to talk about this is because I think I know so much more about you now as an adult human being, but I think at the time, even though we were so close, I held onto this view of you as just perfect in every way, which I developed, I think, when I was... I've had it in my mind for as long as I can remember.

I sort of looked at you as the most impressive person I'd ever met and I worshipped you.

And I still do, but just in, I think, a more realistic way.

But, yeah, I can remember this from...

Back, God, I have this memory when I was sort of eight, I reckon, eight or nine, maybe even younger, at school telling some kids that you played in the Sheffield Shield cricket, which is the like national cricket competition for the best cricketers in the country, sort of top 100 cricketers.

No, because I remember a kid who knew you saying, no, he doesn't.

He plays Dowling Shield, which was like the local cricket, like under 16 comp.

It's still hard to get into, but yeah.

But I felt I can still remember the anger at you, even though I knew immediately I'd gotten it wrong, but the idea that anyone would shatter this image that I had of Hugh as the perfect person and the most amazing person in the world, I still feel this sort of visceral anger at someone shattering that image, even though he was 100% right.

Yeah, because it's like how dare you question his perfection, my brother's perfection.

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