Julia Dhar

It wasn't ever likely that they were going to be successful on motivation and willpower alone.

I think about this all the time whenever, and this is a total like curveball to throw you, but we'll

do the detour, come back.

I think about this all the time when I see people like criticize people who are overweight on the internet and they're like, just have some willpower, just have some discipline.

And I'm like, that is honestly so ridiculous to think that that is enough and that that was ever enough for you to change or ever enough for anybody.

Like,

The way that our environment, our childhood environments are set up, the way that our physical environments are set up, the way that modern society is set up means that it is more likely than not that you will not change your behavior because of how exhausting it is to go against all your history, all like the stresses of modern life, all the coping skills that you have.

to change.

So I love that you're saying like that's motivation and willpower like is not enough for anybody.

And if for somebody to say that it was meant that there were probably other things going on, the tactile things, the relational things, the environmental things that are like also shifting at the same time.

It's also such a good example, and if we can extend the detour even a little further, what you ask about is such a good example of what we call in behavioral economics, but also now in psychology, the fundamental attribution error.

And basically...

I experience myself as a very complicated, unique, special, fully realized human being.

I'm a complete person to myself.

And even people that we know very well, very intimately,

remain sort of strangers to us in all kinds of ways.

And we can not only never properly understand them, but they're never quite as complete as we are as a person.

And so a consequence of that is we are extremely quick to both blame, it was probably their fault, and to judge, there is something wrong with them, other people in ways that we might not for ourselves.

It's a really good example is if someone is late to a meeting or to an event,

especially if we're inclined to judge them, we might say, oh, of course, they're very disorganized.