Julia Furlan

I'm sorry, and you're welcome.

Avi lost his brother Dove to a brain tumor in 2012 and lost his dad, Eric, last year.

When the leaves start falling, I always think about Avi's dad and brother who were both incredibly charismatic people.

And I think of how sometimes I felt a little uncomfortable about how to talk to him about these huge losses.

Like really, what could I ever say that would help?

These wise words come from Dr. Mikael Harris, a psychologist and certified grief therapist and author of the book, Relaxing Into the Pain.

And she says that supporting a person who's grieving isn't about saying the exact right thing at the exact right time.

She says that supporting a grieving heart is about being a witness.

Dr. Harris says that our intention might be to avoid the loss in conversation because we don't want our grieving friend to remember it.

But avoiding the topic doesn't actually make it go away.

So our first takeaway is to be a witness to the grief.

Don't be afraid to bring up the person they lost.

Avi actually said the same thing.

Grief is basically never over.

For a person who's lost someone they love, their feelings about that loss unfurl throughout their life at their pace.

And there's no specific timeline for that.

So when you're supporting somebody and you feel awkward about how to bring it up, know that simply sharing a memory or making some space for them to talk about the person they lost is much better than avoiding it for fear of making them sad.

Dr. Harris says even years or decades after a loss, they're still grieving that person in different ways and different moments.

So chances are they're already thinking about the person they lost.

And seeing someone in their grief doesn't mean you have to 100% understand what they're going through.