Julia Furlan

It can be as simple as just saying it.

Colloquially, sometimes you say, oh, I can't imagine what you're going through.

I mean, that's what I often say, just as men are of speech.

But Dr. Harris actually suggests that saying that you can imagine how hard it is might be a better way to share their grief.

I also just want to say right now that a person's relationship to who they're grieving can be messy.

There could be trauma in the loss or a relationship that was difficult in life that only feels more difficult after the person's passing.

acknowledging that complicated relationship or making space for a person to share about it is another way of witnessing.

And just the same as you don't have to be the perfect supporter, the griefer doesn't have to be perfect in their grief either.

If you're feeling awkward or as if you don't know what to say, I think it can be helpful to have some basic do's and don'ts.

Which brings us to our second takeaway.

There are helpful and unhelpful things to say when a person is grieving.

Now, everyone I spoke to for this episode felt misunderstood by one particular thing, platitudes.

What do you think people get wrong about grief?

At least they're in a better place.

Time heals all wounds.

Cliches are impersonal, and they don't always make the person who's grieving feel seen.

Now, it's okay if you've said one of these things before.

I think I've probably done it myself.

Sometimes a cliche will fly out of your mouth before you even know it.

But when you're trying to support someone who's grieving, try to avoid phrases or sayings that aren't specific to them.