Julia Furlan

Here are two things that you can avoid.

First, anything that starts with at least.

Even if you don't mean to, that could really minimize the person's suffering.

Same goes for it could be worse.

Remember, this could be the worst moment of their lives.

They don't want to think about what could be worse.

This is it.

This is the worst part.

The second thing to avoid is something like God makes no mistakes.

It might seem helpful, but to anyone who would prefer to, you know, be sitting with their loved one alive in that moment, it doesn't feel great to think about what kinds of things God did or didn't do on purpose.

Now, here are some of the things that might be better to say.

You can say, I love you.

You can say, this is so hard and I'm so sorry it's happening to you.

Or you could simply say, I'm sorry.

Ultimately, the exact words don't matter as much as being authentic, specific, and honest.

And if you want to tell them that you don't have the right words, but that you care about them, that's a great place to start.

I spoke to Marissa Renee Lee, who's a grief expert and author of the book Grief is Love.

Marissa says that there's a particular phrase that you can put in your text message that can really make people feel cared for.

No need to respond.

If you reach out and you make it clear that you're thinking of them, but they don't need to do anything, that can really lift a weight.