Julia Furlan

Whether you're near or far from the grieving person, if you just release the other person from the pressure to respond, you're pouring your care into their well and you're not taking anything from it.

Which is the point.

One thing that all of the experts I spoke to stressed is that in the moment of grief, it can be really helpful to think about the person's immediate needs.

Avi said that when you're grieving, basic tasks can feel almost impossible.

Grief takes energy.

And that leads us to our third takeaway.

Take care of some of the basic logistics for the person that you're supporting.

As my dad sometimes says, K-I-S-S.

Keep it simple, stupid.

You don't need to find the most perfect card or gift.

It might just be enough to drop off a lasagna at their front door.

Marissa says that in terms of support, grieving and welcoming new life have a lot in common.

Crucially, all of the experts I spoke with expressed this idea of expectation.

Expect that the person is going to be unable to do some pretty basic stuff, so the things that you can offer can be pretty basic as well.

If you come over to their house, maybe take out their trash or offer to walk their dog.

Do a load of dishes if you see them in the sink.

Do something practical.

Make living easier for the person who's grieving.

That feels simple.

Avi told a story about our friend Emily.