Julia Shaw

Because what it means is that the person who is jealous isn't secure in the relationship.

And the reason that they're not secure in the relationship is either because the relationship is wrong for them or because they are insecure in themselves.

And I don't think it is a sign of love.

I don't think it is a sign of, you know, you want to protect your mate.

I think it is mostly control.

And it's the desire to control and to possess.

And jealousy, we know, is a precursor to intimate partner violence almost always, as in not all jealousy leads to violence, of course, but all violence is the jealousy is a precursor.

And quite a lot of that is imagined things that the partner is doing, not even based on reality.

Then we go back to our deception detection research where we're bad at telling whether someone's lying or not.

And so if you're basing how you're interacting with that person on a faulty lie detector, you're going to make bad decisions.

So the research also bears out that most people are really bad at monogamy.

So most people either have cheated on a significant other, maybe not their current significant other, but a significant other, or have cheated multiple times.

And that's just consistently found in the research.

I think it's the other way around.

I think monogamy is setting us up to fail.

So I think monogamy is a social construct.

That's a nice idea for some people.

And I think that at least based on the research on how people actually behave, they're not actually behaving in a monogamous way.

If you're cheating on your partner, that is not monogamy.

That is polyamory potentially.