Julia Shaw

Am I bad?

Am I a bad person because I have these fantasies?

And that ties in, unfortunately, with homosexuality and bisexuality and the way that certainly historically and in most parts of the world still today, these queer lives and queer identities are still villainized.

They're still seen as lesser, as bad, as a sign of a defect of character.

And if people see that within themselves, they're going to think differently about themselves.

And we, well, society is going to treat them differently.

So it's all about destigmatizing.

Right.

And that's what research has found on fetishes, especially on BDSM, is that the reason that people say they like it.

I mean, it's hard to explain why you have a fantasy.

But if you go into the finer questions and really dig deep, you can find that people will explain a version of BDSM.

Well, I can really let go.

And I don't have to... If someone is telling me what to do, then I don't have to make any decisions.

And I've spent all day making millions of decisions.

And I don't have to in this context.

And I really like that because it's freeing.

And so that's that disinhibition hypothesis is that the reason that we...

Often go to things in the bedroom that in other contexts we don't like or even find repulsive.

Like I don't in normal life potentially want to be told what to do.

But maybe when you move into the bedroom, you go, yeah, but this is a different context.