Karen Doherty

of that gaze if you like that wonderful gaze but couples do make it couples do make it so it doesn't always happen um it and it doesn't always happen to huge degrees i think the way that you're talking to me about that it is when actually there's been a mistake made so that's that can be

of that gaze if you like that wonderful gaze but couples do make it couples do make it so it doesn't always happen um it and it doesn't always happen to huge degrees i think the way that you're talking to me about that it is when actually there's been a mistake made so that's that can be

really terrifying for the partner if they've got as far down the road as actually thinking that they're going to commit in and then the ND person pulls away. That can be really terrifying. But managing it and transitioning it from those early days into something more permanent, that's the couple together have to do that. And it has to be recognized as just that.

really terrifying for the partner if they've got as far down the road as actually thinking that they're going to commit in and then the ND person pulls away. That can be really terrifying. But managing it and transitioning it from those early days into something more permanent, that's the couple together have to do that. And it has to be recognized as just that.

And it's going to be more intense if you're involved with a neurodiverse person. It's going to be more intense. Okay, how do you manage that? What do we do about it? Ration yourself. Don't love bomb me. You can't not do that. No, what you've got to do is remember that you've got to keep love bombing me. Not ration it. You've got to keep it. You've got to somehow hold on to it. So difficult.

And it's going to be more intense if you're involved with a neurodiverse person. It's going to be more intense. Okay, how do you manage that? What do we do about it? Ration yourself. Don't love bomb me. You can't not do that. No, what you've got to do is remember that you've got to keep love bombing me. Not ration it. You've got to keep it. You've got to somehow hold on to it. So difficult.

Amazing, amazing.

Amazing, amazing.

Absolutely not. When did a child ever, ever solve a relational problem? It didn't. It really didn't. It can provide, and I think this is where the solution focus thinking comes in. It can provide a mutual focus. It can provide a solution in the short term. But the long term, we all know that doesn't work because actually child rearing is a relentless process.

Absolutely not. When did a child ever, ever solve a relational problem? It didn't. It really didn't. It can provide, and I think this is where the solution focus thinking comes in. It can provide a mutual focus. It can provide a solution in the short term. But the long term, we all know that doesn't work because actually child rearing is a relentless process.

And it's disturbing to the couple dynamic. It's hard work. It's distracting. And it takes away often the attention from the couple and each other. And that is where it really gets difficult for NDs. NDs can sometimes be a bit more pragmatic about it. Well, we've got kids. We don't have sex. We don't do this. We don't do that. The ND is feeling rejected.

And it's disturbing to the couple dynamic. It's hard work. It's distracting. And it takes away often the attention from the couple and each other. And that is where it really gets difficult for NDs. NDs can sometimes be a bit more pragmatic about it. Well, we've got kids. We don't have sex. We don't do this. We don't do that. The ND is feeling rejected.

is feeling left out, is feeling, oh, my God, what's happened? This is not for me, and feeling absolutely isolated and lonely. That's not to say, actually, that the NT doesn't end up feeling like that as well, if this is NT. It can actually work like that because as the ND withdraws because there's not the attention, love, gaze that they need,

is feeling left out, is feeling, oh, my God, what's happened? This is not for me, and feeling absolutely isolated and lonely. That's not to say, actually, that the NT doesn't end up feeling like that as well, if this is NT. It can actually work like that because as the ND withdraws because there's not the attention, love, gaze that they need,

The NT who's sort of caught up with the more pragmatic running of the life perhaps and can sort of can tolerate that a little bit more does actually feel start to become exactly the same, feel exactly the same things as the ND.

The NT who's sort of caught up with the more pragmatic running of the life perhaps and can sort of can tolerate that a little bit more does actually feel start to become exactly the same, feel exactly the same things as the ND.

Well, you've got two things going on. Don't forget the genetics. So if there is an undiagnosed ND element, then that child may well manifest some of that, okay? And then... Psychodynamically speaking, as a couple therapist, we do look to the modelling of the family of origin. What happened in that family? What lessons did you learn there?

Well, you've got two things going on. Don't forget the genetics. So if there is an undiagnosed ND element, then that child may well manifest some of that, okay? And then... Psychodynamically speaking, as a couple therapist, we do look to the modelling of the family of origin. What happened in that family? What lessons did you learn there?

So if that family is not functioning well, you're passing on difficult models. So there's every need to find out what's going on to cause the couple distress and dysfunction. And more so if there are children present. There's no doubt in my work that children do provide. They provide a focus and a reason to improve their family life and their couple life. But it's not a reason to have children.

So if that family is not functioning well, you're passing on difficult models. So there's every need to find out what's going on to cause the couple distress and dysfunction. And more so if there are children present. There's no doubt in my work that children do provide. They provide a focus and a reason to improve their family life and their couple life. But it's not a reason to have children.