Karen Doherty

Both people have lived their lives with highly developed defences, OK? The ND has defended in terms of masking and trying to fit in and adapting and mirroring and all of the stuff that we know. But the NT has done it as well. The NT is usually really quite highly...

Both people have lived their lives with highly developed defences, OK? The ND has defended in terms of masking and trying to fit in and adapting and mirroring and all of the stuff that we know. But the NT has done it as well. The NT is usually really quite highly...

highly able and they've got there usually through some sort of early adultization in their world, being the one that had to care in a family, being the one that maybe had to grow up very early due to a divorce. If I look at the couples, I can almost always find that early trauma in the partners, in their so-called together partners. So it's mutual. It's a mutual fit. Yeah.

highly able and they've got there usually through some sort of early adultization in their world, being the one that had to care in a family, being the one that maybe had to grow up very early due to a divorce. If I look at the couples, I can almost always find that early trauma in the partners, in their so-called together partners. So it's mutual. It's a mutual fit. Yeah.

Ah, inflammatory to the community, I think it probably is. I think there has to be, as I said earlier, I think there has to be an integration. There has to be some sort of acceptance that the disabilities are challenges of different levels. Okay, so it's not, of course, some people are highly challenged and some people are not so challenged.

Ah, inflammatory to the community, I think it probably is. I think there has to be, as I said earlier, I think there has to be an integration. There has to be some sort of acceptance that the disabilities are challenges of different levels. Okay, so it's not, of course, some people are highly challenged and some people are not so challenged.

But how it shows up in a relationship, if it is seen as a disability, then you have inequality. And I don't work with it like that. I work with it as a set of challenges. And both people in that couple have a set of challenges. And somehow we have to tease out the strengths and the capacities, the tolerance levels and the abilities of that couple to manage.

But how it shows up in a relationship, if it is seen as a disability, then you have inequality. And I don't work with it like that. I work with it as a set of challenges. And both people in that couple have a set of challenges. And somehow we have to tease out the strengths and the capacities, the tolerance levels and the abilities of that couple to manage.

Because the minute you set it up as some sort of disability, you've got a carer or you've got somebody who might need to care. And that's really how the relationships start to go wrong because there's too much pressure put on one or one is taking up too much of the flack. They're over-facilitating. The minute you have that over-facilitation in a couple, you're disabling the other.

Because the minute you set it up as some sort of disability, you've got a carer or you've got somebody who might need to care. And that's really how the relationships start to go wrong because there's too much pressure put on one or one is taking up too much of the flack. They're over-facilitating. The minute you have that over-facilitation in a couple, you're disabling the other.

The minute somebody's seeing it, oh, you can't do that because you've got ADHD. No, I can't do that, but I can do this. So I might do it a different way because I think differently to you. So what about us doing it this way? It has to be like that. You've got to harness both sets of challenges and both sets of skills. But it's hard because, you know, the ADHD brain, it works differently.

The minute somebody's seeing it, oh, you can't do that because you've got ADHD. No, I can't do that, but I can do this. So I might do it a different way because I think differently to you. So what about us doing it this way? It has to be like that. You've got to harness both sets of challenges and both sets of skills. But it's hard because, you know, the ADHD brain, it works differently.

And the partners often can't keep up. So they're not really sure about the solutions that are being offered. Right. That's the work.

And the partners often can't keep up. So they're not really sure about the solutions that are being offered. Right. That's the work.

Because of the massive differences in the way that the processing is present in the couple, there's massive differences. They have to be harnessed. They have to be worked on together. You can't do it independently. One can't do it on their own. The other can't do it on their own.

Because of the massive differences in the way that the processing is present in the couple, there's massive differences. They have to be harnessed. They have to be worked on together. You can't do it independently. One can't do it on their own. The other can't do it on their own.

The whole concept of a couple is that you build a solid base for both of you to go off, have your autonomous lives, and have your interdependent lives and a really great time together.

The whole concept of a couple is that you build a solid base for both of you to go off, have your autonomous lives, and have your interdependent lives and a really great time together.

But that unity, that unifying of the couple in the face of the challenges, whether they're neurodiversity or not, the unification of the thinking, the talents, the skills, the quirks, just being able to unify over these things and have your own language and understand each other's needs. Do you know how many couples I see that actually have no idea of each other's needs? It's remarkable.

But that unity, that unifying of the couple in the face of the challenges, whether they're neurodiversity or not, the unification of the thinking, the talents, the skills, the quirks, just being able to unify over these things and have your own language and understand each other's needs. Do you know how many couples I see that actually have no idea of each other's needs? It's remarkable.