Karen Doherty

But that conversation hasn't come into the sort of the maelstrom of life. They're too busy or they haven't really identified it. They haven't sat down and talked about it. And that's the beauty of the work of a couple therapist, particularly it gives a place and a space and provokes thinking around those things.

But that conversation hasn't come into the sort of the maelstrom of life. They're too busy or they haven't really identified it. They haven't sat down and talked about it. And that's the beauty of the work of a couple therapist, particularly it gives a place and a space and provokes thinking around those things.

Yes, Kitty.

Yes, Kitty.

It is. Yes. What is it, Kitty? Hello, Kitty. Hello, Kitty. There she is. Hello, Kitty.

It is. Yes. What is it, Kitty? Hello, Kitty. Hello, Kitty. There she is. Hello, Kitty.

Why? Okay, so you wanted me to bring something that I might be able to explain something about. So... When we're talking about that language, OK, that couple language, one of the things that I try to get couples to identify is something that they focus on together. So, in fact, the last couple, it was their cat. All right. They adored this cat. It was a child. It was the child of them.

Why? Okay, so you wanted me to bring something that I might be able to explain something about. So... When we're talking about that language, OK, that couple language, one of the things that I try to get couples to identify is something that they focus on together. So, in fact, the last couple, it was their cat. All right. They adored this cat. It was a child. It was the child of them.

And so they used their cat's name as the little bit of a code word or the way to indicate to each other that actually they weren't feeling great, something was going wrong, they didn't want to go round the roundabout again or they didn't want to get in the ring because they knew it would go to an escalation or something like that. So it can be all sorts of things. It can be a favourite food.

And so they used their cat's name as the little bit of a code word or the way to indicate to each other that actually they weren't feeling great, something was going wrong, they didn't want to go round the roundabout again or they didn't want to get in the ring because they knew it would go to an escalation or something like that. So it can be all sorts of things. It can be a favourite food.

It can be...

It can be...

a place they travel together but what it needs to symbolize is a time when the couple is good why the couple is together so somehow i get them to think of that and i it can't just be a word plucked off the shelf it's got to be something it's got to be it needs to have meaning for both of them so that when it's going off they can actually think ah okay let's do let's think about our couple let this is representative of our couple fine i'm going to walk away

a place they travel together but what it needs to symbolize is a time when the couple is good why the couple is together so somehow i get them to think of that and i it can't just be a word plucked off the shelf it's got to be something it's got to be it needs to have meaning for both of them so that when it's going off they can actually think ah okay let's do let's think about our couple let this is representative of our couple fine i'm going to walk away

And that's why I brought the cat in because everybody in that language, the couple need to have a symbol for when they're good and loving and why they're together.

And that's why I brought the cat in because everybody in that language, the couple need to have a symbol for when they're good and loving and why they're together.

It doesn't matter. It's whatever they value. It's something that they can think about and both bring a smile to both faces and think, yeah, I remember that was when we were really good. And use that. You're using it. You're working with a therapist who's trying very hard to get you to change habits.

It doesn't matter. It's whatever they value. It's something that they can think about and both bring a smile to both faces and think, yeah, I remember that was when we were really good. And use that. You're using it. You're working with a therapist who's trying very hard to get you to change habits.

And so one of the ways of changing habits is to try and write the script that when these things are going wrong, and they're very predictable, you've got emotional dysregulation, RSD, withdrawal, overwhelm. We know the symptoms as they happen, so let's have a language around them that can really remind both members of the party why they're there.

And so one of the ways of changing habits is to try and write the script that when these things are going wrong, and they're very predictable, you've got emotional dysregulation, RSD, withdrawal, overwhelm. We know the symptoms as they happen, so let's have a language around them that can really remind both members of the party why they're there.