Karen Kilgariff

Here, let me get her on camera for you so you can have something nice to look at rather than my... Something wonderful. Fucking face. Okay.

Here, let me get her on camera for you so you can have something nice to look at rather than my... Something wonderful. Fucking face. Okay.

So pretty. Hi, lady. You want to go first? Sure. Okay. The title is I'm not going to read the subject line, which I can't believe more people haven't done. That is fucking hilarious. Full credit to this person. Yes. And then it says in parentheses, but if I did, it would be, and then it tells the whole story and it's great.

So pretty. Hi, lady. You want to go first? Sure. Okay. The title is I'm not going to read the subject line, which I can't believe more people haven't done. That is fucking hilarious. Full credit to this person. Yes. And then it says in parentheses, but if I did, it would be, and then it tells the whole story and it's great.

And then it just starts. I'll be honest. The main reason it has taken me so long to write this in is because I absolutely panic at the thought of not having a good opening line. So I'll let you use your imagination and pretend that this one was particularly fantastic. Sigh. Here we go. I'll apologize in advance for being incredibly verbose. Yet another reason I have procrastinated sending this.

And then it just starts. I'll be honest. The main reason it has taken me so long to write this in is because I absolutely panic at the thought of not having a good opening line. So I'll let you use your imagination and pretend that this one was particularly fantastic. Sigh. Here we go. I'll apologize in advance for being incredibly verbose. Yet another reason I have procrastinated sending this.

Someone's been using the thesaurus. Someone got their $10 word out. In 1984, my parents moved to a huge house about two blocks from the largest local high school central. My mom was nine months pregnant with my sister, but being the badass woman she was, she still helped to move all the boxes and furniture, despite it being her due date. She went into labor four days later.

Someone's been using the thesaurus. Someone got their $10 word out. In 1984, my parents moved to a huge house about two blocks from the largest local high school central. My mom was nine months pregnant with my sister, but being the badass woman she was, she still helped to move all the boxes and furniture, despite it being her due date. She went into labor four days later.

This isn't actually relevant to the story referenced in the subject line, but my mom is going to sound pretty neglectful in a minute. So I wanted to make sure and paint her as the strong, amazing woman she is before throwing her entirely under the bus. Get her under there. It says right about now. This person should be a writer. Okay.

This isn't actually relevant to the story referenced in the subject line, but my mom is going to sound pretty neglectful in a minute. So I wanted to make sure and paint her as the strong, amazing woman she is before throwing her entirely under the bus. Get her under there. It says right about now. This person should be a writer. Okay.

Sometime in the upper 80s, I believe 1987 or 88, my brother asked my mom if he could walk down the street to play at his best friend's house. It was the 80s, so she said sure and waved her six or seven year old child out the door to walk down the street. Just so normal. Sure. And didn't expect him home until the streetlights came on.

Sometime in the upper 80s, I believe 1987 or 88, my brother asked my mom if he could walk down the street to play at his best friend's house. It was the 80s, so she said sure and waved her six or seven year old child out the door to walk down the street. Just so normal. Sure. And didn't expect him home until the streetlights came on.

She never could have imagined that the next time the door opened, it would be two police officers on the other side telling her that her son had been abducted. What? Okay, yeah, this gets crazy. Apparently, my big brother was walking down the street as advertised when a woman saw him by himself and decided she had a grand opportunity to make some money.

She never could have imagined that the next time the door opened, it would be two police officers on the other side telling her that her son had been abducted. What? Okay, yeah, this gets crazy. Apparently, my big brother was walking down the street as advertised when a woman saw him by himself and decided she had a grand opportunity to make some money.

She had a knife and threatened my brother with it to get him to comply and come with her. She then needed to find a payphone so she could call my parents and demand a ransom for the return of my brother, who by this time was crying. Nevertheless, she dragged my bawling brother to the closest place she could find, the high school.

She had a knife and threatened my brother with it to get him to comply and come with her. She then needed to find a payphone so she could call my parents and demand a ransom for the return of my brother, who by this time was crying. Nevertheless, she dragged my bawling brother to the closest place she could find, the high school.

There was indeed a payphone there, but to get to it, she would have to cross the practice field and get to the tennis courts on the other side of the main field. And it says for scale, this is like three city blocks. It is a huge high school.

There was indeed a payphone there, but to get to it, she would have to cross the practice field and get to the tennis courts on the other side of the main field. And it says for scale, this is like three city blocks. It is a huge high school.

All with a screaming, crying child who was pleading with her to take him home. So fucking traumatizing.

All with a screaming, crying child who was pleading with her to take him home. So fucking traumatizing.