Kate Murphy

But it's really a kinder way to think of this is that sometimes you're just not a good fit with the other person.

And it's no harm, no foul.

It's not a default in you or the other person.

I think when people don't click, when people don't connect, they either have two reactions.

One is, what's wrong with that person?

And the other is, what's wrong with me?

And the kinder and more accurate way to think about it is we're just not syncing.

We haven't developed interpersonal synchrony.

And that could change tomorrow.

But in this moment, because it's a very much moment-to-moment thing, in this moment, we're not.

So it doesn't do any good to wag my tail all the harder and try and get this person to like me or be hostile because this other person does not like me or I don't like them.

It's to just realize, shrug your shoulders, hmm.

Not sinking at this moment.

And be okay with that.

No, it is not deleted.

We move into and out of sync with other people all the time.

I do think that there is sort of this basic baseline attraction, not attraction.

Like I said, you can't make yourself be attracted to somebody, and this may be more in the sexual realm, but you can't make yourself be attracted to someone any more than you can make yourself not be attracted to someone.

And so there can be something...

I mean, you know, in the past we called it chemistry, but it's really synchrony.