Kate Murphy

I mean, anyone who's fallen in love with somebody, there is a mystery.

It isn't, you know, where you can check these boxes or lean in just the right way or do this and the other person will fall in love with you or you will fall in love with them.

But...

you can miss that person because you weren't paying attention, you weren't engaged, you were too much in your own head, and you didn't allow yourself to sync with that person, to dance with that person in this special neurophysiological way.

And I do fear with technology, just even looking at a phone, they've shown that when people are not paying attention, when they're not looking at each other, and significantly when they're looking at their phone, it breaks the sync.

It keeps you from developing these wonderful synchronies with other people that not only feel good in the moment, but make you healthier and make you feel more secure in the world.

Correct.

Oh, I love that you asked that question.

The research isn't totally clear, but they think it's very significant.

I don't know if you know this, but a lot of women know this, but when you're around other women for a significant amount of time, you sink your menstrual cycle.

You all start having your period at the same time, and they think that's related to...

olfactory sensory those pheromones and that's why that happens so if that happens in that way you can imagine all these other things that might cause you to be in sync with people and there's a ton of research about how women will smell sweaty t-shirts of a guy and that that person ends up being the person that the ones that's the sweaty t-shirts that they like the best i you know i haven't participated in that study but i find it interesting

Those are the people that they end up being the most attracted to and significantly that they are the most genetically compatible.

In terms of having children, that would be the most genetically healthy.

Isn't that interesting?

Absolutely.

Something that I hope people will take away from reading the book is we've sort of been fed the steady diet that you should be able to like everyone and that everyone should like you.

And if you just did these things or the other person just did these things, then you all would like each other.

And the research shows that that's not necessarily the case.

Now, we can all get along and certainly we should all be kind.