Katherine Morgan Schafler

I think one of the worst aspects of unhealthy perfectionism is when you get what you want. And it's like, I call it in my book, being struck with a thousand daggers at once because you finally got the thing that you thought would make you you know, feel the way you want it to feel or be who you want it to be, whatever, to certify your belonging to something. And you feel the opposite.

I think one of the worst aspects of unhealthy perfectionism is when you get what you want. And it's like, I call it in my book, being struck with a thousand daggers at once because you finally got the thing that you thought would make you you know, feel the way you want it to feel or be who you want it to be, whatever, to certify your belonging to something. And you feel the opposite.

I think one of the worst aspects of unhealthy perfectionism is when you get what you want. And it's like, I call it in my book, being struck with a thousand daggers at once because you finally got the thing that you thought would make you you know, feel the way you want it to feel or be who you want it to be, whatever, to certify your belonging to something. And you feel the opposite.

You feel like shit because you have to confront the fact that there is no substitute for self-worth and there's no substitute for real connection with other human beings, you know?

You feel like shit because you have to confront the fact that there is no substitute for self-worth and there's no substitute for real connection with other human beings, you know?

You feel like shit because you have to confront the fact that there is no substitute for self-worth and there's no substitute for real connection with other human beings, you know?

Yeah, well, that was what I was most excited to talk about in the book because I think we're getting a lot of that wrong with this, like, just love yourself. We talk about it like a panacea and it's like, you know, someone who's struggling to love themselves hears that and they don't know what that really means.

Yeah, well, that was what I was most excited to talk about in the book because I think we're getting a lot of that wrong with this, like, just love yourself. We talk about it like a panacea and it's like, you know, someone who's struggling to love themselves hears that and they don't know what that really means.

Yeah, well, that was what I was most excited to talk about in the book because I think we're getting a lot of that wrong with this, like, just love yourself. We talk about it like a panacea and it's like, you know, someone who's struggling to love themselves hears that and they don't know what that really means.

I mean, I don't even know what that really means when people say, like, just be nice to yourself. It's like, what... give me actionable steps, you know? And I think what we, again, to go back to the emotional illiterate piece is like the self-compassion. And this is what I am so excited to talk about. So I'm so glad you asked me that question.

I mean, I don't even know what that really means when people say, like, just be nice to yourself. It's like, what... give me actionable steps, you know? And I think what we, again, to go back to the emotional illiterate piece is like the self-compassion. And this is what I am so excited to talk about. So I'm so glad you asked me that question.

I mean, I don't even know what that really means when people say, like, just be nice to yourself. It's like, what... give me actionable steps, you know? And I think what we, again, to go back to the emotional illiterate piece is like the self-compassion. And this is what I am so excited to talk about. So I'm so glad you asked me that question.

Self-compassion is not being really nice and sweet and polite to yourself. Self-compassion is a three-step resiliency building skill. And the framework that I use in the Perfectionist Guide to Losing Control is based on research by Dr. Kristen Neff, who was the first person to really research into compassion. She's like, for self-compassion, what Brene Brown is to vulnerability, right? She's like,

Self-compassion is not being really nice and sweet and polite to yourself. Self-compassion is a three-step resiliency building skill. And the framework that I use in the Perfectionist Guide to Losing Control is based on research by Dr. Kristen Neff, who was the first person to really research into compassion. She's like, for self-compassion, what Brene Brown is to vulnerability, right? She's like,

Self-compassion is not being really nice and sweet and polite to yourself. Self-compassion is a three-step resiliency building skill. And the framework that I use in the Perfectionist Guide to Losing Control is based on research by Dr. Kristen Neff, who was the first person to really research into compassion. She's like, for self-compassion, what Brene Brown is to vulnerability, right? She's like,

the one. And she breaks it down into these three steps. And we don't know what those three steps are. And we don't understand that when you exercise self-compassion that ushers you into a sense of real accountability for your life and real power instead of this like petty control.

the one. And she breaks it down into these three steps. And we don't know what those three steps are. And we don't understand that when you exercise self-compassion that ushers you into a sense of real accountability for your life and real power instead of this like petty control.

the one. And she breaks it down into these three steps. And we don't know what those three steps are. And we don't understand that when you exercise self-compassion that ushers you into a sense of real accountability for your life and real power instead of this like petty control.

I mean, that's the spine of the book is like, we are trading our inherent power for all of this control that doesn't even work and is an illusion in the first place. And it's tantamount to like trying to move a car by getting behind it and pushing it instead of just sitting in the driver's seat and driving it.

I mean, that's the spine of the book is like, we are trading our inherent power for all of this control that doesn't even work and is an illusion in the first place. And it's tantamount to like trying to move a car by getting behind it and pushing it instead of just sitting in the driver's seat and driving it.