Kati Morton

I'm just making sure that they're happy first.

I don't know if that resonates with anybody else, but it's like, yeah.

And it's all throughout my life too.

And the way it pops up, you think you get one, it's like whack-a-mole, another one pops up.

Quite a few costs.

The main one I think is lack of true intimacy, meaning that their relationships almost always have issues or they end up in a relationship where the person doesn't know them at all.

I had a member of my community just yesterday share with me that her husband doesn't know she's in therapy.

He doesn't know she ever struggled with any eating disorder behaviors or even has depression.

He doesn't even know she's on medication.

He doesn't know anything about that part of her.

We were on a live stream and I mentioned, could you share something with him?

and she did not feel like it was okay she's afraid it would upset him i don't want to share that and so if we don't show up authentically in our relationships there's no real connection it's almost like inadvertently the thing that we're trying to prevent right we want to keep people around we want to keep them happy we're trying to ensure that connection is maintained

in this self-erasure, in this self-abandonment, we inadvertently end up disconnecting because they don't really know who we are.

We don't have any safety in that relationship because we don't feel like if we did show up that they would stay.

Like that member of my community, I'm afraid it would really upset him.

I don't know if he could handle it.

And so we lose intimacy in our relationships.

I think we can also lose our identity.

I can't tell you the number of patients I've seen over the years that will tell me they'll get out of a relationship, like they'll divorce after, let's say, 25, 30 years.

And they're like, I don't know who I am anymore.