Kati Morton

It could also be another example of why do I keep doing this is why do I think that everything has to be perfect and I keep doing something over and over and over hoping that this time I'll think it's finally good enough.

It's kind of the patterns in my life where I find myself trying to shrink to fit spaces I don't belong.

I think it depends.

I ultimately believe that we all know it's a problem because it doesn't feel good.

but i think for a lot of us myself included we were raised a certain way and so it's almost like it's all that we know and so i mean from i ended up in therapy feeling super stressed out and wanting to talk about my stress reduction and like how do i manage all that i'm doing and over talking with my therapist for many weeks she was like i think this might have to do with people pleasing or i think this might be part of you know what you think your role is in life and

it's getting down to more the patterns of it rather than just the one-off examples.

Because I think for all of us, we can have those one-off examples and think like, oh, you know, I really wish that this had turned out differently.

But until we see it, it's almost like if we pull ourselves out bird's eye view, then we can see like, hey, I keep doing this same thing.

And it can take a minute for that realization or that awareness to come to be.

Great question.

When we're being raised by parents, a close family, whomever's around us the most, we are picking up on all of the different behaviors, how people engage in conflict.

How do people show that they love each other?

How do people make up after a fight?

All of the different patterns of behavior we see expressed by our parents, our grandparents, our aunts and uncles,

And we slowly kind of draw the blueprint for life and how we're gonna engage in it.

And that's usually where these types of patterns come from, for better, for worse, right?

We might be like, hey, our family's really good at getting over a conflict and coming back together and repairing.

Yay, so we grow up with that blueprint.

Or it could be, hey, my family's really good at pretending everything's okay even when it's not.

I think a lot of people, especially more recently, think it's a problem and realize it.