Kati Morton

But it's not just, aha, oh my God, I hate that I do this.

I don't think the realization is so clear like that.

I think it's more like I feel tired and I don't know why or I'm super stressed or I feel anxious.

It kind of comes out in other ways because if you think about it, if we're always putting everybody else first, then that means that our needs aren't getting met and we might find ourselves exhausted.

or unable to sleep at night, or even getting sick a lot.

There can be a lot of different ways that it can come out.

And I feel like it's through the repetition of those kinds of symptoms that we then realize like, oh my God, what's happening?

Like, why is this happening to me?

Why do I keep doing this?

Why do I keep feeling this way?

And that kind of curiosity, the wondering of the why is how we discover it.

I think the best first step in that is honestly just realizing how it shows up for you.

One of the first homework assignments my therapist gave me was to notice how often I say sorry every day.

And for anybody who doesn't struggle with people pleasing, they're like, this would not be a big deal.

When I tell you the number was embarrassingly high and I stopped counting midday because it was ridiculous,

you know, that was a good place to start.

I know a lot of times when we're doing like self-care or self-help stuff, we think like, I want this quick fix, or I want these five steps to get better.

In the case of, you know, of control and us trying to control things that we can't, it's less about quick fixes and more about showing ourselves compassion as we try to act differently.

So in that example, like, oh, I say sorry all the time.

instead of thinking like oh katie why do you keep doing this so stop it already just stop saying sorry that would be the goal sure but instead i needed to realize like how often i was doing it what was triggering it was it certain situations are there certain places i do it more and then