Kati Morton

And those are so inextricably linked that all of the things that I've done in therapy to get better come back to that.

Like talking to myself more kindly, not apologizing for taking up space,

The most common, and I use this, I don't, I can't take like credit for this quote, but lighting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm is probably the most common symptom.

And what I mean by that is that I find people tend to

do things for others ahead of their own self.

So let's say I really need to rest, but my sister needs me to get her from the airport and so I'm gonna stay up late and go get her or something.

I know it's a random example, but it's essentially, you know what your needs are, but you meet someone else's first.

I find that to be incredibly common.

This could even look like, I have another member of my community who shared taking on extra work

within her job, even though she doesn't get paid more for it and other people could help out too, but she's always the one that does that or like taking extra shifts, you know, always being the one to fill in.

And a lot of us could say, well, that's because I'm reliable or that's because I do, you know, I like to be that person.

Sure, maybe.

Or is it because that's how you earn your worth?

Again, even though my issue sounds very specific, like, oh, I'm hustling to earn my worth, worth is a big piece, is a big motivator for our behavior.

And I think a lot of different people will do different things.

Like, that's why a lot of my friends who are mothers will do everything for their children because they put a lot of worth, a lot of their identity is in being the best mother ever.

And so, even if they're not doing great, they'll make sure that their child has everything, you know?

And as sad as it is to say, it's like we're leading by example, then the blueprint for their children is that mom's needs don't exist and only kids' needs exist.

I'd be curious for you, Mike, if you find yourself in any situation like this where you have behaviors you don't like that are repetitive that kind of go down to,

it's all about balance.