Kelly

I was driving myself crazy.

And then I had a panic attack right then and there.

And I couldn't breathe.

I just like fell to the floor and nobody saw me.

I was just alone in my room having a panic attack.

And then I was like, what in the world is that?

But now I look back and I think that's my first panic attack.

And then after that, I started to replace praying in my head.

to god because i don't think i necessarily believed anymore at that point so i had to replace it with something else in my head which came along my ocd so so this is kind of crazy but because i still do it to this day

Probably even as we're speaking, I like subconsciously do this, but I like spell all the words I'm hearing in my head, but I have to put like good words on the right side of my brain and like bad words on the left side of my brain.

It won't.

It makes sense to anybody who doesn't go through this, but I'm just spelling words out all the time.

And if I don't do that, then I feel like something bad is going to happen.

I think at 13, I thought something bad would happen to my family or whatever I didn't want to happen would happen.

So it was kind of like this...

continuous thing it was a ritual that I had to do and still have to do just to keep control now as an adult I think I recognize it and I'm like it's just a thing to calm my anxieties and kind of I think it kind of mellows me out a bit too yeah and look whatever works for you right like I think

I think it helps me to come back and gain control a bit.

At the time, I thought like at age 13, I'm like, if I don't do this, then all these bad things are going to happen.

So I have to keep spelling.

But now I'm like, I have to spell words in my head just because it calms me down.