Kevin Twomey

I came into my room and sniffed my undies.

Oh, and sniffed your undies.

For your birthday this year, you said to me.

I want new underwear.

Will you buy me new underwear?

Because your underwear game is so strong.

Is what you said.

No.

And you said I have so many nice undies.

You had your confirmation undies.

Actually, you know, I bought you two boxes of Calvin Klein jocks.

Well, they were just at home in Cork because they didn't have enough space to take them back.

To London.

I don't mind showing you.

Do you remember the time we went into Brown Thomas and I wanted a pair of sexy underwear and I said to your man in there, I'd say he was on work experience, he was in transition or something, and I goes up to him and I'd say he was just traumatised at the sight of us, generally.

We were a bit boisterous that day, whatever was wrong with us.

And I said, have you any slips?

And he was like, what?

And I said, in the Calvin Klein's, I said, are there any slips?

Because I thought that's what they were called.