Khaya Dlanga

I mean, I took some active decisions once I found out that he was gambling and he'd got himself into like a hole that he really couldn't get himself out of and got him to therapy. And I mean, he worked with me. I defy him. I forced him to call my mother. I tried to kick him out of my place as a threat.

I mean, I took some active decisions once I found out that he was gambling and he'd got himself into like a hole that he really couldn't get himself out of and got him to therapy. And I mean, he worked with me. I defy him. I forced him to call my mother. I tried to kick him out of my place as a threat.

I mean, can you imagine, you have to sit across the road and tell him, listen, I'm firing you. And then I have to follow him and say, listen, I love you. I'm not being mean, malicious, but this is for you to get better. That in four months, you're going to come back, you know? Yeah. You're going to come back and work just to get better. I gave him the phone.

I mean, can you imagine, you have to sit across the road and tell him, listen, I'm firing you. And then I have to follow him and say, listen, I love you. I'm not being mean, malicious, but this is for you to get better. That in four months, you're going to come back, you know? Yeah. You're going to come back and work just to get better. I gave him the phone.

I said, I'm not going to call my mother and tell her that I've had to fire you. Yeah, you take the phone and you call Andy Teller. And he had to call. So there were like a series of decisions that I made. And what was very crazy, I think, for a very long time after that, after he took his life and the decisions that I'd made, what's that question? Did I push him too hard, too quickly?

I said, I'm not going to call my mother and tell her that I've had to fire you. Yeah, you take the phone and you call Andy Teller. And he had to call. So there were like a series of decisions that I made. And what was very crazy, I think, for a very long time after that, after he took his life and the decisions that I'd made, what's that question? Did I push him too hard, too quickly?

Yeah, I can only imagine. And I became very doubtful of almost any decision I was making. So it was very hard for me to make decisions for a very long time. Because I felt that the decisions that I may have made may have led my brother to make the decision. Even though I know that... Like logically.

Yeah, I can only imagine. And I became very doubtful of almost any decision I was making. So it was very hard for me to make decisions for a very long time. Because I felt that the decisions that I may have made may have led my brother to make the decision. Even though I know that... Like logically.

Yeah, so the emotional question was just like, but what if, you know, I drove him too hard and so I blame myself, you know, for all of that. Even though I know that I shouldn't and there's no blame.

Yeah, so the emotional question was just like, but what if, you know, I drove him too hard and so I blame myself, you know, for all of that. Even though I know that I shouldn't and there's no blame.

So... Um, you know, I struggled and obviously having these conversations with your mother and then like the faith aspect of it for me was very important. And, and then, uh, I mean, like one of my favorite scriptures is Job in the Bible, where Job, in the beginning, he loses everything.

So... Um, you know, I struggled and obviously having these conversations with your mother and then like the faith aspect of it for me was very important. And, and then, uh, I mean, like one of my favorite scriptures is Job in the Bible, where Job, in the beginning, he loses everything.

And then at the end of it, after he's lost everything, the thing that Job says is like, naked I came, naked I shall depart. May the name of the Lord be praised. And I was like, hmm, okay. That means we need to find joy in whatever way we can. And A lot of the time during the losses is trying to find that. It's interesting because I don't think that maybe I've found joy myself.

And then at the end of it, after he's lost everything, the thing that Job says is like, naked I came, naked I shall depart. May the name of the Lord be praised. And I was like, hmm, okay. That means we need to find joy in whatever way we can. And A lot of the time during the losses is trying to find that. It's interesting because I don't think that maybe I've found joy myself.

I feel like people, like friends, have made sure that I am okay in order for me to have a springboard. Do you know what I mean? No, I hear exactly what you're saying. To find myself. Because when I think of all my friends, you, Sizwe, Golisa, Anele, like a whole bunch of people were just so there in ways that I just couldn't imagine. And I had...

I feel like people, like friends, have made sure that I am okay in order for me to have a springboard. Do you know what I mean? No, I hear exactly what you're saying. To find myself. Because when I think of all my friends, you, Sizwe, Golisa, Anele, like a whole bunch of people were just so there in ways that I just couldn't imagine. And I had...

And I think that's not really, it's friends, honestly, sincerely. And I don't know if it's a me, I don't think it's a me thing. I definitely think that it's the people who probably see the value in me as a person. And because I see that value, I see that there is something more to life, I guess.

And I think that's not really, it's friends, honestly, sincerely. And I don't know if it's a me, I don't think it's a me thing. I definitely think that it's the people who probably see the value in me as a person. And because I see that value, I see that there is something more to life, I guess.

I mean, I don't have an answer to, you know, it's a very difficult question because I've never thought about it. No, I understand. I've literally never thought about it. And I mean, you know, when I think, because also at the same time, you know, he lives with me, it's my brother. And then I feel, I think the worst guilt I also felt was like, oh my God, is my mother going to blame me?

I mean, I don't have an answer to, you know, it's a very difficult question because I've never thought about it. No, I understand. I've literally never thought about it. And I mean, you know, when I think, because also at the same time, you know, he lives with me, it's my brother. And then I feel, I think the worst guilt I also felt was like, oh my God, is my mother going to blame me?