Kristen

I know that we're on edge all the time as first-time parents, but for me, after that had happened and after I realized how close we were to having something really devastating happen, or at least it seemed like it was that close, any little thing that happened to him, any little like snot in his nose, any little cry that he had, which he cried a lot because we found out later that he had a dairy protein allergy.

I know that we're on edge all the time as first-time parents, but for me, after that had happened and after I realized how close we were to having something really devastating happen, or at least it seemed like it was that close, any little thing that happened to him, any little like snot in his nose, any little cry that he had, which he cried a lot because we found out later that he had a dairy protein allergy.

I know that we're on edge all the time as first-time parents, but for me, after that had happened and after I realized how close we were to having something really devastating happen, or at least it seemed like it was that close, any little thing that happened to him, any little like snot in his nose, any little cry that he had, which he cried a lot because we found out later that he had a dairy protein allergy.

I was eating dairy and breastfeeding and he was having a bad reaction to my milk. There was never a moment in time where really we had quiet except for the times when he was sleeping, which was rare because he was in pain a lot. And nursing, that was a challenge too. We struggled for four months nursing. I struggled with massive engorgement. I mean, I had clogs all the time.

I was eating dairy and breastfeeding and he was having a bad reaction to my milk. There was never a moment in time where really we had quiet except for the times when he was sleeping, which was rare because he was in pain a lot. And nursing, that was a challenge too. We struggled for four months nursing. I struggled with massive engorgement. I mean, I had clogs all the time.

I was eating dairy and breastfeeding and he was having a bad reaction to my milk. There was never a moment in time where really we had quiet except for the times when he was sleeping, which was rare because he was in pain a lot. And nursing, that was a challenge too. We struggled for four months nursing. I struggled with massive engorgement. I mean, I had clogs all the time.

It was the constant fear of mastitis. But any little thing that happened to him, my brain immediately went to, oh my gosh, he's going to die. That's so fatiguing for your brain to just never have a moment of rest. It's constant fight or flight and never knowing who to go to. And I was afraid that people would think that I was freaking out. I have to get past that. I can't hold on to that.

It was the constant fear of mastitis. But any little thing that happened to him, my brain immediately went to, oh my gosh, he's going to die. That's so fatiguing for your brain to just never have a moment of rest. It's constant fight or flight and never knowing who to go to. And I was afraid that people would think that I was freaking out. I have to get past that. I can't hold on to that.

It was the constant fear of mastitis. But any little thing that happened to him, my brain immediately went to, oh my gosh, he's going to die. That's so fatiguing for your brain to just never have a moment of rest. It's constant fight or flight and never knowing who to go to. And I was afraid that people would think that I was freaking out. I have to get past that. I can't hold on to that.

And I'm trying. It's sitting in that grief. And I don't know how long that will take. I couldn't really talk to somebody. I couldn't really relate. And I was no longer able to go out and be in community with people. I withdrew from society. It didn't feel safe for me to leave my house. I'd go out to go run errands as needed, but I didn't want to interact with people. I was in my own bubble.

And I'm trying. It's sitting in that grief. And I don't know how long that will take. I couldn't really talk to somebody. I couldn't really relate. And I was no longer able to go out and be in community with people. I withdrew from society. It didn't feel safe for me to leave my house. I'd go out to go run errands as needed, but I didn't want to interact with people. I was in my own bubble.

And I'm trying. It's sitting in that grief. And I don't know how long that will take. I couldn't really talk to somebody. I couldn't really relate. And I was no longer able to go out and be in community with people. I withdrew from society. It didn't feel safe for me to leave my house. I'd go out to go run errands as needed, but I didn't want to interact with people. I was in my own bubble.

I was hurting so badly. I guess I didn't trust anybody. And I didn't want to open up and just lay my heart out to somebody who wouldn't understand. It's almost like it would just re-hurt it. I suddenly found myself in my house with a guy that I had married a year before and he had dated not that much longer before that. So he was kind of new to me too.

I was hurting so badly. I guess I didn't trust anybody. And I didn't want to open up and just lay my heart out to somebody who wouldn't understand. It's almost like it would just re-hurt it. I suddenly found myself in my house with a guy that I had married a year before and he had dated not that much longer before that. So he was kind of new to me too.

I was hurting so badly. I guess I didn't trust anybody. And I didn't want to open up and just lay my heart out to somebody who wouldn't understand. It's almost like it would just re-hurt it. I suddenly found myself in my house with a guy that I had married a year before and he had dated not that much longer before that. So he was kind of new to me too.

We're learning this marriage thing and we're learning ourselves. I was a fish out of water, I realized. I've never been so lonely in my life. It felt like there was nobody there.

We're learning this marriage thing and we're learning ourselves. I was a fish out of water, I realized. I've never been so lonely in my life. It felt like there was nobody there.

We're learning this marriage thing and we're learning ourselves. I was a fish out of water, I realized. I've never been so lonely in my life. It felt like there was nobody there.

I felt like if I went back to my coworkers at the hospital and told them what happened, I feel like I would have had guilt from that, too, because they would have sat there and wagged their finger and said, well, we told you, you should have known better. No one ever did that. But I heard the comments made behind mom's backs when I had worked there.

I felt like if I went back to my coworkers at the hospital and told them what happened, I feel like I would have had guilt from that, too, because they would have sat there and wagged their finger and said, well, we told you, you should have known better. No one ever did that. But I heard the comments made behind mom's backs when I had worked there.