Kristen

I felt like if I went back to my coworkers at the hospital and told them what happened, I feel like I would have had guilt from that, too, because they would have sat there and wagged their finger and said, well, we told you, you should have known better. No one ever did that. But I heard the comments made behind mom's backs when I had worked there.

And so I anticipated that that's probably what would have been said. So I didn't feel like I could go to anybody. It affected my relationship with my kid, obviously. It affected my relationship with me. I learned kind of to not like myself. It affected my relationship with my husband.

And so I anticipated that that's probably what would have been said. So I didn't feel like I could go to anybody. It affected my relationship with my kid, obviously. It affected my relationship with me. I learned kind of to not like myself. It affected my relationship with my husband.

And so I anticipated that that's probably what would have been said. So I didn't feel like I could go to anybody. It affected my relationship with my kid, obviously. It affected my relationship with me. I learned kind of to not like myself. It affected my relationship with my husband.

He wanted to support me because he knew that was my dream to have the baby there and that I had given so much of myself. He didn't want to disappoint me. He thought that he would have dashed my dreams. He is upset with himself that he didn't advocate for me. He said he's never been so afraid in his life. His face is burned in my mind. The fear in his eyes.

He wanted to support me because he knew that was my dream to have the baby there and that I had given so much of myself. He didn't want to disappoint me. He thought that he would have dashed my dreams. He is upset with himself that he didn't advocate for me. He said he's never been so afraid in his life. His face is burned in my mind. The fear in his eyes.

He wanted to support me because he knew that was my dream to have the baby there and that I had given so much of myself. He didn't want to disappoint me. He thought that he would have dashed my dreams. He is upset with himself that he didn't advocate for me. He said he's never been so afraid in his life. His face is burned in my mind. The fear in his eyes.

He was so helpless and no one's guiding him. No one's telling him what's going on. He has no idea. I had no idea. But I know that he carries a lot of hurt and a lot of shame and guilt. I mean, none of it's deserved. My husband was also a victim. And I know that I was the one that everyone was scared about and my baby was the one that everyone was scared about in that moment.

He was so helpless and no one's guiding him. No one's telling him what's going on. He has no idea. I had no idea. But I know that he carries a lot of hurt and a lot of shame and guilt. I mean, none of it's deserved. My husband was also a victim. And I know that I was the one that everyone was scared about and my baby was the one that everyone was scared about in that moment.

He was so helpless and no one's guiding him. No one's telling him what's going on. He has no idea. I had no idea. But I know that he carries a lot of hurt and a lot of shame and guilt. I mean, none of it's deserved. My husband was also a victim. And I know that I was the one that everyone was scared about and my baby was the one that everyone was scared about in that moment.

Yeah, and I think that sometimes his is overlooked. He's had to deal with my emotional outbursts or all of the mess and the muck that has come of this because he, such a good man that he is, feels like I need to have my wounds healed first and my pain and my trauma needs to be addressed first because it's been so debilitating and he's put himself to the side.

Yeah, and I think that sometimes his is overlooked. He's had to deal with my emotional outbursts or all of the mess and the muck that has come of this because he, such a good man that he is, feels like I need to have my wounds healed first and my pain and my trauma needs to be addressed first because it's been so debilitating and he's put himself to the side.

Yeah, and I think that sometimes his is overlooked. He's had to deal with my emotional outbursts or all of the mess and the muck that has come of this because he, such a good man that he is, feels like I need to have my wounds healed first and my pain and my trauma needs to be addressed first because it's been so debilitating and he's put himself to the side.

But he still carries it and yet no one's really asked him. It wasn't until May of 2023, seven months later, I finally had a point where I was like, I'm living in desolation. I'm living in this black cloud that just surrounds my days. I wake up in fear. I go to bed in tears. I literally don't recognize myself anymore. I realized something had to be done.

But he still carries it and yet no one's really asked him. It wasn't until May of 2023, seven months later, I finally had a point where I was like, I'm living in desolation. I'm living in this black cloud that just surrounds my days. I wake up in fear. I go to bed in tears. I literally don't recognize myself anymore. I realized something had to be done.

But he still carries it and yet no one's really asked him. It wasn't until May of 2023, seven months later, I finally had a point where I was like, I'm living in desolation. I'm living in this black cloud that just surrounds my days. I wake up in fear. I go to bed in tears. I literally don't recognize myself anymore. I realized something had to be done.

And that's when I reached out to a counselor. I also told myself I have to put myself out there. I started going to mom's groups through various churches. But then I met this new emotion when I would put myself out there. Resentment of other moms because I was so heated to realize what I missed out on. birth is so lovely and it's beautiful and like your body was made to do this.

And that's when I reached out to a counselor. I also told myself I have to put myself out there. I started going to mom's groups through various churches. But then I met this new emotion when I would put myself out there. Resentment of other moms because I was so heated to realize what I missed out on. birth is so lovely and it's beautiful and like your body was made to do this.

And that's when I reached out to a counselor. I also told myself I have to put myself out there. I started going to mom's groups through various churches. But then I met this new emotion when I would put myself out there. Resentment of other moms because I was so heated to realize what I missed out on. birth is so lovely and it's beautiful and like your body was made to do this.

I had so much resentment when I heard people talk about their good birth stories. I was happy for them, obviously, in one sense. I would wish nothing like what I had on anybody. But then there was also this side of me that was so resentful. I didn't want to hear those stories.