Kristen

When I was growing up, there were a lot of religious communities intermingling of different sorts and then some people who weren't religious.

And we called the people who went to church on only Christmas and Easter, we called them cheesters.

When I was in college, my friends, Arielle and Jennifer and I, when we'd go to a bar and there would be a lot of leering guys, we used to walk up to one of them at the bar, like all three of us, and be like, hi, and start a flirty conversation and be like, we just have a question.

Which one of us is the prettiest?

I'm very, very uncomfortable.

Really?

I would pick you.

You would?

Because I feel like I know what you put into your body.

I see how you take care of it.

It's very muscular.

And I want a little meat on the bone.

It's not that I don't want to taste your boobs.

But it's just I would prefer the protein over.

You're on a high protein diet.

I'm on a high protein diet.

I'm trying to get through perimenopause, guys.

You understood that question?

But then you got to ask yourself, are you okay with reserving that portion of your identity to just yourself or your inner circle and not to those family members?

I, more than anything, want the parents to get fucked in this scenario.