Kristen

Was I being oblivious? Was I being too proud and thinking like, well, I'm going to be just fine? Those emotions really ate at me. Some of it was the embarrassment that I had chosen to go there and that I had failed. It was like my body failed me. I failed me. Those first few months are a blur to me.

Was I being oblivious? Was I being too proud and thinking like, well, I'm going to be just fine? Those emotions really ate at me. Some of it was the embarrassment that I had chosen to go there and that I had failed. It was like my body failed me. I failed me. Those first few months are a blur to me.

Was I being oblivious? Was I being too proud and thinking like, well, I'm going to be just fine? Those emotions really ate at me. Some of it was the embarrassment that I had chosen to go there and that I had failed. It was like my body failed me. I failed me. Those first few months are a blur to me.

I think I blacked out a lot of those memories, honestly, because it was just such a dichotomy between the anger and the trauma at the same time having this cute, beautiful, amazing little thing that's like all mine that my body made. It was too much for my brain to handle. And it makes me so sad now looking back at pictures of him when he was little and being like, oh, I forgot that that happened.

I think I blacked out a lot of those memories, honestly, because it was just such a dichotomy between the anger and the trauma at the same time having this cute, beautiful, amazing little thing that's like all mine that my body made. It was too much for my brain to handle. And it makes me so sad now looking back at pictures of him when he was little and being like, oh, I forgot that that happened.

I think I blacked out a lot of those memories, honestly, because it was just such a dichotomy between the anger and the trauma at the same time having this cute, beautiful, amazing little thing that's like all mine that my body made. It was too much for my brain to handle. And it makes me so sad now looking back at pictures of him when he was little and being like, oh, I forgot that that happened.

People talk about the glow you have as a first time mom. I didn't have that. I was just out of my brains and I'll never get that time back. I felt like that was stolen from me. They stole a lot of time from me and they stole a lot of memories from me. And they stole this piece of me that I never consented to them taking. It was like no one understood what we had gone through.

People talk about the glow you have as a first time mom. I didn't have that. I was just out of my brains and I'll never get that time back. I felt like that was stolen from me. They stole a lot of time from me and they stole a lot of memories from me. And they stole this piece of me that I never consented to them taking. It was like no one understood what we had gone through.

People talk about the glow you have as a first time mom. I didn't have that. I was just out of my brains and I'll never get that time back. I felt like that was stolen from me. They stole a lot of time from me and they stole a lot of memories from me. And they stole this piece of me that I never consented to them taking. It was like no one understood what we had gone through.

Those months following were the hardest months of my life. I went several months feeling isolated, abandoned, forgotten. All of these negative thoughts that just swarm in your mind.

Those months following were the hardest months of my life. I went several months feeling isolated, abandoned, forgotten. All of these negative thoughts that just swarm in your mind.

Those months following were the hardest months of my life. I went several months feeling isolated, abandoned, forgotten. All of these negative thoughts that just swarm in your mind.

I know that we're on edge all the time as first-time parents, but for me, after that had happened and after I realized how close we were to having something really devastating happen, or at least it seemed like it was that close, any little thing that happened to him, any little like snot in his nose, any little cry that he had, which he cried a lot because we found out later that he had a dairy protein allergy.

I know that we're on edge all the time as first-time parents, but for me, after that had happened and after I realized how close we were to having something really devastating happen, or at least it seemed like it was that close, any little thing that happened to him, any little like snot in his nose, any little cry that he had, which he cried a lot because we found out later that he had a dairy protein allergy.

I know that we're on edge all the time as first-time parents, but for me, after that had happened and after I realized how close we were to having something really devastating happen, or at least it seemed like it was that close, any little thing that happened to him, any little like snot in his nose, any little cry that he had, which he cried a lot because we found out later that he had a dairy protein allergy.

I was eating dairy and breastfeeding and he was having a bad reaction to my milk. There was never a moment in time where really we had quiet except for the times when he was sleeping, which was rare because he was in pain a lot. And nursing, that was a challenge too. We struggled for four months nursing. I struggled with massive engorgement. I mean, I had clogs all the time.

I was eating dairy and breastfeeding and he was having a bad reaction to my milk. There was never a moment in time where really we had quiet except for the times when he was sleeping, which was rare because he was in pain a lot. And nursing, that was a challenge too. We struggled for four months nursing. I struggled with massive engorgement. I mean, I had clogs all the time.

I was eating dairy and breastfeeding and he was having a bad reaction to my milk. There was never a moment in time where really we had quiet except for the times when he was sleeping, which was rare because he was in pain a lot. And nursing, that was a challenge too. We struggled for four months nursing. I struggled with massive engorgement. I mean, I had clogs all the time.

It was the constant fear of mastitis. But any little thing that happened to him, my brain immediately went to, oh my gosh, he's going to die. That's so fatiguing for your brain to just never have a moment of rest. It's constant fight or flight and never knowing who to go to. And I was afraid that people would think that I was freaking out. I have to get past that. I can't hold on to that.

It was the constant fear of mastitis. But any little thing that happened to him, my brain immediately went to, oh my gosh, he's going to die. That's so fatiguing for your brain to just never have a moment of rest. It's constant fight or flight and never knowing who to go to. And I was afraid that people would think that I was freaking out. I have to get past that. I can't hold on to that.