Langston Kerman

You know what sucks about it?

Sucks about woolly mammoths too is, is they also are not bigger than elephants. No, no. I thought this whole time that woolly mammoths were like these giant beasts that we would never be able to see again. And they're like smaller than the average African elephant.

And I think it's important for us to say that scientists can be both legitimate and liars.

Yes. We often, I think, conflate it somehow where scientists are like these moral beings that exist above us all. And no, they can be liars and also really smart and capable people.

Yeah.

You know, it might have helped him. I might have helped him.

Right. You got to focus, big man.

If that's the approach you're taking, you're missing the mark quite a bit. Yeah, yeah. Mammoths can't be our first start at fixing the problem for sure.

That's crazy.

This is like when a bunch of celebrities open up an ice cream store and you're like, why do y'all know each other?

What is this relationship that somehow fostered naturally between you?

It really feels like a fourth grader was like, I got it.

Okay, okay. We'll get sued. That's fine.

So far, it's the thing I've related to him most on. I get that. Yeah, I get it. That I connect to. Saying you reinvented wolves is a different conversation.

It's almost never come up in our conversations, at least.

Colossal.

Yeah, it was such rare technology to access at that age that I bet if you really were able to invest the time and energy, you advanced the chess piece so far for yourself.

They always talk about how like Bill Gates started Microsoft in his garage, but it's like, oh, you had an entire garage that you could work in? You had a nice garage? Yeah. Most people have to store things and park cars in there. You were just like, no, the garage is a workspace.

Oh, nice. This is a beautiful segue.

I thought it was going to be Rocket Man shit, and it's not that at all.

Turns out some of us think they're a better hang than we anticipated. Yeah.

I think spotting a grift is real profitable, real fast.

And I think if we're going back, that really speaks to both the passionate learner and the grifter. Right. Working in sort of synchronicity.

The man contains two wolves. Yeah. One dyer, one pretty much a regular wolf.

I was about to say, I bet having rich parents and a nice little parachute probably helped him figure that out.

Yeah, they can refuse a mortgage because you've published this and now they're like, oh, we think you're going to have diabetes and diabetes means you won't be able to pay 30 years worth of mortgage. So, nah.

I really get nervous whenever the language starts dehumanizing human experiences. Right. There has to be some attachment to what it means to be a person for this to remain healthy, normal, applicable in a way that isn't just you scamming us into something much more scary, evil. Yeah.

That's also just not a good thing to sort of, I guess, have is what people know about you. That like, yeah, if you show up, he'll give you a job.

That's cool.

We should work with him.

Yeah, but I bet he gets eaten. He sounds like he got eaten.

I also get really nervous when the science includes both car technology and cancer elimination. That feels like, wait a minute, you got to focus, big dog. Both of those things can't be true from your single discovery.

I prefer to keep the one I have. I know it sucks, but I'll keep it.

Oh, yeah. His are low and they're strong. I really respect it.

So all of those books, there's like six of those books that are right and then 70 billion others that are like just mid, like really shit books.

Yeah, Netflix isn't going to exist when this is actually a thing.

Yes.

It seems like you want to download some information from people that maybe they didn't want to give you. That's some nasty work there, Dr. George.

Jeffrey Epstein.

I was tempted to hang up the Zoom right away. I understand. It was so inflammatory that I said, I can't be a part of this.

Well, well, well. Surprise Epstein. The Babadook emerges.

That's really cool. That's like a really exciting plot twist that you don't see coming. I love this.

That wolf has charm.

You can tell that wolf knows how the business works. That's not a wolf that you gotta, like, put a caretaker on.

That wolf does its own stunts, I hear you.

Superior humans, that's a trigger word for me.

But that speaks to his multitude. He's a busy man, right? He could either be a money man or he could be an academic man, but one of them introduced me.

We were all there with Jeffrey.

He made enough money to buy an island. You can't do that with only sex pests. Some people had to be on some version of an up and up.

Whoa. Cool. It is pretty impressive to find out that Jeffrey Epstein is somehow more of a piece of shit than I thought. I was like, nah, he's just a monster. I don't think he's like a super monster. Right.

No, yeah, you don't have to be like, I would have liked to talk to him about it.

That actually sounds awesome. I just, no, I didn't talk to him.

Yeah, Jeffrey Epstein's like, you know, I want to start a baby ranch. He's like, huh? He's like, oh, nothing, nothing.

Never mind. Never mind. I thought you'd be cool about it.

Sober. Sober.

We're going to talk business as soon as I get out.

And now he's picking who introduced him. Previously, he didn't know who introduced him. Turns out it was Harvard the whole time.

There's a pretty extensive collection of dire wolf bones in the La Brea Tar Pits Museum. Oh, right. Yeah. And boy, was I disappointed when I saw how little those bones were.

They win. They win the murder game. You did it.

He was like, nah, Jeffrey's awesome to me and I'm going to keep hanging.

Man, I walked in there and I said, I'm going to see the biggest wolf that ever was. And those wolves look like schnauzers. They're tiny little dogs as far as I'm concerned. Yeah.

Yeah.

That's a real R. Kelly, when we say teenage, how are we talking?

It, I guess the people.

I think he's like, I'm not going to answer for myself, but you, the single body of people that exist around me should have had the conversation with Jeffrey Epstein.

yeah no there is this um this this again it's just this this want to like cutify themselves out of like the human experience yeah it's like oh i'm just a nerdy little cutie boy i i didn't even notice that bad things were happening like you're oh you're a grown man who's trying to manipulate genes this isn't you're not a sweetheart at all

Favorite color is coral. Coral. I love coral.

Yeah, I think for years I used to say blue to protect myself from my own insecurities. But then at some point I had to be honest and say, nah, my favorite color is nuanced and slightly effeminate, I guess.

I can get past this.

Oh, you can listen to my podcast. It's called My Mama Told Me. I do it with my friend David Borey, who is also an alumnus of this gorgeous podcast. And we talk about conspiracy theories, specifically Black conspiracy theories. And it's really fun and silly. And we do not nearly as effective research as you do, Robert.

I will say there was that era on what is now X, but formerly Twitter, where they were just making up lists of the people who were on the flight logs. And it was always a funny list. It never failed. No matter who wrote it, the right, the left, the sickos, the imagineers, they were always funny lists of people.

There were a few people on some of those flight logs where I was like, I don't think they knew what they got on the plane for.

He knows how to make a book cool, and he knows how to make a hat cool. He's got cool hats, cool books, and scarves.

Somebody said, get on the PJ. And you're like, yeah.

We got to get back to what we were, which was normal and peaceful.

Someone asked me the other day if I would get on that Trump plane, the one that Qatar gave him. It's like, for the story alone, I kind of think I have to.

Yeah, I just got to ride this wave and deal with the fallout later.

You were staying home. You wouldn't touch it.

That was dark. They said they'll do better. They said they'll do better.

What a missed opportunity. There were dire wolves with names. There were a lot of Starks. They could have just gone down the Stark lineage. They didn't have to go to Khaleesi.

But it's a bummer, folks. You should do that season as one of the bastards, frankly.

Yeah, you're really trying to weave a story here. And that's a nice dog. That seems like a really polite, sweet dog.

That's cool to make that much money and be like, I'm going to buy a lighthouse.

I'm not sleeping where normal people sleep anymore. I've got a different thing going on.

Where everybody was fine at the end. Where everyone was happy. Nothing bad happened.

He's got sunglasses on.

That's actually not his forte. He's actually, he doesn't even speak with that accent. He's pretending.

If you want to flirt with the dinosaurs, then yeah, get Jeff.

I will say, before you even go, one of the only taboos that exists in film and television is murdering dogs. Yes. And I'm getting so scared before we even start. I know nothing.

You want them dinosaurs horny as hell, get Jeff. But otherwise, you got to.

Yeah. This is... Okay. To your point, this is just PR. This is truly... This is just PR.

And they didn't let those other 35 people hold that dog, and that's pretty fucked up. No, no, just George.

That's gotta be a tough thing to figure out for yourself, though, that you got a little bit of that in there.

Yeah, you can kind of see it, and then that bums you out, where you're like, ah.

You're just trying to make it so that the baby comes out exactly the way you planned and with no other stuff.

Yeah, with blue eyes and no need for braces.

But yeah, there's a I learned about this recently, but there's somebody who's making something called the chicken a source.

Where they are essentially claiming that they're like re they've rediscovered or re given us dinosaurs again via this chicken a sort. But it's just a fucked up chicken. Yeah. That like looks like it's got like some dinosaur qualities.

And they're also not particularly bright. None of this feels like a great combination.

Oh, I really didn't even like give them a shit. They don't give a fuck. Holy shit. Oh, man. Chicken run really sold me a different story about that.

There's that jellyfish that can regenerate or turn itself back into a child. But that's not proving it. That's just that species.

Yeah, you're still going to die when you die. You just won't die from that. Right.

It's really funny when people sort of like sink into these types of sciences because like you want your dog to live longer. Just stop making it fuck its cousin. You know what I mean?

Stop breeding them till they're like sick the second they come out and let them be whatever random mutt that they all are kind of supposed to be.

I'm not brave enough to have ever challenged you on it.

I just think it's always a bad sign when somebody has to outsource ethics, right? right i mean like someone for the ethics you need somebody else to handle ethics because that's just not how you think is yeah you're gonna do some vile shit

I say Neanderthal, but I'm a dum-dum, so I'm glad.

That's none of my business.

I'm just here to make as many homunculi as possible. I don't decide where they go.

That's why I fuck with Scott Pelley. He really, end of the day, he really breaks it all down in a very succinct, clear way. He's like, that man that I just spoke to is a psychopath. And you should know that.

Yeah.

You call us what? They said Ooga Booga, so yeah.

I really was hoping this wasn't going to lead to you knowing who the test subjects were. Ha ha ha!

Yeah, George, you're fucked up, man. You're doing something fucked up.

God damn. They're just saying stuff plainly. Holy shit. Holy fuck. That's crazy.

There's no way they mean that about the cleaning staff.

Like they're only talking about very specific employees at this company.

Yeah, 100%. They're going to have a sixth finger. Right. The slope is so slippery for what they'll decide is acceptable and not acceptable.

And who, frankly, are the scientists in charge of making those decisions?

We know for a fact it's a real I'll bring back dire wolves ass person.

Oh, man. And he's like, no, don't don't cure their disease. I want to figure out how to test more. I need more diseases to play with.

No.

Planet. Planet scale. Yeah, that's nuts.

You plus me eugenics equals us genics. No.

They can meet. They can hang out.

They might be like, hey, you got that too? I'm good. Let's make other choices. Yeah. They have the ability to figure this out for themselves.

I'll go so far as to say that look how little they invested in the actual images.

They're like, just give us your DNA. If you're going to fall for this, we're not spending a dime on advertising.

Yeah, and you're not being even transparent about, to your point, about what is being considered a deformity, a not typical thing inside of a person.

I'm doing great. I'm excited to hear more. This feels weird to say out loud, but I'm excited to hear more about Jeffrey Epstein and everything he's been up to with our boy George Church.

Also, I want you to know what color that skin is when we flip it around.

Yeah, he really sped past it in a way that it's more about the elimination of the diseases and not the curation of another species. Like, truly saying, like... This is important.

He's so tough to look at.

Given how bad he wants perfect people.

Like you would think that he should not get to say what a perfect person is. And yet here we are.

No, not all of these apps are created equal. I don't even know that they have the staff that can manage your genome properly, much less. Right, yeah.

I'm sure part of his funding says that he's not allowed to say that. We want to be able to use this in a different kind of way, and that's how we can justify giving you all this money. Also, the elimination of diseases is such a silly...

concept because you also might make new ones it's not like we know for sure that like there's not there's no new possibilities in these perfectly synchronized genomes yes yeah thank you for being the ian malcolm of these episodes and like reminding us all of chaos theory if you want you can drop a little bit of water down your hand maybe unbutton the top two buttons of your shit like really go for it here

If we're listing facts, yeah.

That's cool.

Yeah. Not everyone wants kids. Not everyone, frankly, wants kids the way you want them. It really is putting a lot of your decision making on random people.

That's really smart to go that route because I'm so ignorant. I just presumed that he was going at like young singles in the city. It's like, no, you need nasty conservative sort of like principles that have already been established.

There's a reason there's that small of a sample size, and it's because they're doing something pretty fucked up.

That's always where it gets icky is like the plan is never to put it in people for the greater good. It's put it in people because you have funding to do that.

Yeah, that's what that word is for. It literally was like.

I drink blood with them every once in a while. It's not.

You're not being chill.

You remember when they were claiming that vapes were like killing people, that everybody was dropping dead from vaping?

Yeah, now all of a sudden this technology is not going to make you drop dead. It's going to make you live forever. Yeah, it's just weird.

You got those naughty cartridges. We're going to put really top shit cartridges in there.

The good stuff, right?

He looks like he's turning into a wise old tree. Yes, yes.

I'm going to need you to bone a few people in here so that I can make money. Yeah.

Right. pimp me once shame on you yeah what if like he'd he'd been the guy who blew the whistle on aubrey de gray or whatever but like he didn't you know i don't know i don't know i don't know multiple sex traffickers right i mean right right yeah i think after a while it starts to feel like that's a thing you're into

I didn't know they were coming back. I thought maybe they were going for good.

Yeah, now we're getting to what you really want here, George.

It crossed my mind.

Something tells me you're not as concerned with these wolves and these Neanderthals as you're pretending.

The people who work there saying we're not doing any work is really awesome.

Yeah. And also so we can skip past the fact that you're not actually helping the existing elephants. You're just trying to create a new species that'll mirror the old one.

Look at you.

All of you guys got the Rachel. Ain't that nice?

You all got the Rachel.

If you think you know what elephant's problem is now, you are going to be so surprised by the problems we're about to introduce.

And also, is you just saying, all right, we'll just make an elephant synthetically is fucking nuts.

It's illegal to murder because you're living in the past, my man. I'm thinking about the future.

The most serious scientists. I mostly can think of scientists who should not be there.

Yeah.

A person deeply connected to both science and dodo birds. Of course, you need Paris Hilton.

They're like, we can't even draw a Dodo, much less make one.

These aren't just wolves you're going to keep and take care of. You're going to leverage these wolves.

It's really awesome if you think about it. It's such a long game for being able to not pay taxes everywhere else.

Arguably the most famous dire wolf in Game of Thrones was white.

We'll just make that one that.

We remain mammoth-less.

There hasn't been a single mammoth. And I guess, yeah, your other point is kind of moot.

I can't argue with that.

Yeah, that's the problem. It's just really hard to go back to flying coach. You know what I mean? Whatever his lifestyle is, he's not going to sacrifice it for the greater good of tigers and dodo birds or whoever they're trying to protect.

I love it. I love it. This show is always a lot of fun and really sad. Yeah.

I feel great. It's been a long one. I'm sorry. No, this is great. I'm happy that we got to do it. And frankly, I'm devastated to know that there's a new man to be afraid of out there.

Really scared of him and also don't care to look at him. But here we are.

Oh, yeah. Listen to my podcast. It's called My Mama Told Me. I host it with my friend David Borey. It's about black conspiracy theories. Watch everybody's live on Netflix with John Mulaney. I was a writer and performer on that show. And you can watch my special. It's called Bad Poetry. It's also on Netflix. And I'm really proud of it. And that's it.

Follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms.

but he's also not taking genuine polls he's just talking to jeffrey epstein the average human probably doesn't give a shit about this right i didn't know that bringing back a neanderthal was possible and frankly never was interested in it was not on my list of concerns yes

No, you should chill out.

Okay.

Fine, man. If we're just going to pretend, fine.

I think you're trying to make some big old slaves and that's something you should maybe just say out loud instead of pretending like it has some other value.

They don't have to live with me.

He knows more than we do on this podcast, for sure.

Yeah.

We literally have an economic system where you see what raising people without their families does. And he's like, yeah, I bet these ones will figure it out.

You ever seen those videos where they'll put a tiger in with a pig, like a baby tiger, and then the baby tiger starts acting like the pig a little bit?

It's like, well, yeah, that's because that's more influential than it being just raw tiger by itself.

Oops.

I'm Langston Kerman. Sometimes I'm on TV. I'm David Borey, and I'm probably on TV right now. David and I are going to take a deep dive every week into the most exciting, groundbreaking, and sometimes problematic Black conspiracy theories. We've had amazing past notable guests like Brandon Kyle Goodman, Sam Jay, Quinta Brunson, and so many more.

New episodes are out every Tuesday, many episodes out on Thursdays, where we answer you, the listener's conspiracy theory. Listen to My Mama Told Me on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.