Laura

I know all of these are going to fail.

They're never going to work out.

And it's around this time, I think maybe actually before we had before that baby in Mississippi was born that I went to therapy.

Because I knew like.

This is not right.

I can't keep blaming myself.

I can't keep having this guilt on myself this whole time.

You've got to talk about it.

I need to talk to somebody about it.

So I find a therapist and end up only having three sessions with her.

I only needed three sessions with her.

But basically what we talked about was letting go of guilt.

my abortion and just letting go of that and stop blaming myself for that and stop having all of these like negative connotations with what had happened like blaming yourself so many years ago because this is like 2018 at this point so this is over 10 years since it's happened um

And I'm still internalizing it.

And I'm still saying like, I'm never getting pregnant because this is my punishment.

I'm never going to have a baby because this is my punishment.

This is what is happening to me.

And we're going to keep trying, but it's never going to happen.

So I went to therapy.

The therapist had me write a letter to my baby.