Laurel van der Toorn

And that was an explicit discussed agreement that we had and it worked fine.

But if you don't have an actual conversation about it and both people, or if you have a conversation, one person just kind of agrees because they feel they have to, but they don't really feel good about it.

I'm wondering if the mom doesn't feel quite good about the agreement they've laid out in this situation, right?

So you can always update the agreement.

Like let's say something changes, update that agreement.

Yeah, and I think people have kind of a reactive, a response to the word boundaries because it's become so diluted.

Boundaries are the distance that is needed for both people to feel good about being in each other's lives, right?

And you might need to have an explicit conversation with your parents.

Like, you know, mom, I am really grateful that I'm living at home and that you're able to support me as I'm getting on my feet.

I really don't love that you went through my room while I was at work.

I would never do that to you.

Can we please have an understanding that you won't go through my things?

And some parents will balk at that, right?

But you can at least make the request.

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