Laurel van der Toorn

Time behind the wheel is kind of how we fix that, my partner and I, but why does it feel like when you move to a new place or enter a new context, like a new job or something, or perhaps for young people, a new school, it just feels like it's not open to you?

It's like a board of a company.

They're not looking for more seats.

Is there something wrong with you in that moment?

Or do you need to start thinking about it like I'm in a new place?

I got to find a friendship market that's open for business.

For me, I was beginning stand-up comedy about 11 years ago, and I started hanging out at this open mic with a lot of other new beginner comedians.

And I reflect on that time as the time where I made the most friends.

Some of those people are still my closest friends.

Applying this kind of framework, that it was a friendship market, I guess it wasn't luck.

It wasn't something I did that was super intelligent around friend-making.

It was just everybody in this new context was looking for community.

in that moment, and it was perhaps the most open friendship market I'd ever found.

What would you recommend to people to find friendship markets, I guess, like I found 11 or 12 years ago?

And it was a group of people who didn't know anyone who did this activity, and they were all kind of looking to change themselves and learn a new craft and learn about themselves through that new craft.

I think it had all the trappings of an open friendship market.

I just didn't realize it at the time I hadn't read your piece.

Now, for those who feel lonely at home, isolated in a new city, what recommendations might you have for them?

I think this is such a good way of looking at it because like some friendship markets appear hostile, but really it's just they're not looking for new people.

And there you are at home thinking, why don't they want to hang out with me?