Laurel van der Toorn

Why am I being excluded?

I want community.

They've got community.

But really just looking at it in this new way, like what can you do to not take it personally when the people at work who've been friends for 10 years don't accept you into their group?

I find I've made my best friends when I've done major life transitions, like moving to a new city, like, I don't know, splitting up with my ex-wife, like changing jobs, like starting a new hobby and really diving into it.

A, is that true?

Did you observe that when you talk to people?

And B, does that mean I have to upend my life to make new friends?

If someone listening feels like they failed at friendships, what would be the best piece of advice for them?

Maybe a way of reframing it or a way of talking to them to move forward and perhaps join community in a way they wouldn't have expected.

Well, you can check out Janice McCabe's book, Making, Keeping, and Losing Friends, How Campuses Shape College Students' Networks.

That's available wherever books are sold.

Janice is a sociology professor at Dartmouth College.

Janice, thank you for joining me today.

I've really enjoyed the chat.

In just a few moments time, we'll tackle this dilemma.

You're an adult, you're living at home, you're 20 years old.

Does that mean your parents get a front row seat into your bank account, your private bank account?

Where's the line between help, control, and independence?

We'll weigh in, and I want you arguing with us in your head.