LeMaire Lee

Yeah, it was a fucking disastrous trip. Johnson was like a bachelorette party.

He's like, I fucking hate Drake, and you play it all the time, and you play it too loud.

I was like, what the fuck's going on? Start the car. You're waiting for a parking spot at the mall.

Quiet's nuts.

I don't know what that is. Shane!

25,000.

Oh!

Hey, everybody. Dude Wipes Day Rip. But it's me, Lamar Lee. Please come to my shows on May 9th and May 10th at Coastal Creative in dang Tampa. And May 28th, we're doing a small-time comedy heist here in Austin, Texas at Roscoe's Comedy Club. Please come. It'll be nice. Tell them a joke. Give them a little taste. Small-time comedy heist? No, do one of your jokes. Like a bit?

Do a joke so people know what they're going to get. Give them a little taste. I have to find one? Do crowd work. Do crowd work. Where are you from? Philadelphia? That's nice. It's cool out there. I like Philly. What's your favorite cheesesteak? Chicken. Chicken. The fuck off the stage.

Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

You're a firework.

Being a pervert with zero gravity coming at someone like... Whoa, I'm not used to this. Oh, shit. Japanese bus porn?

What? Yeah, do you know?

What's really happening, Don? It's really happening, Don.

Oh, my goodness.

Yeah, I love it. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, P-I-T-M, that's good.

What? Camp Onowana, we don't do it in our heart. What? Did you ever see Salute Your Shorts? What? Did you ever see Salute Your Shorts? The show.

He got everything at once. He turned 13 and we're like, holy shit.

Hold on a second. What was it? I almost bought one of the Kanye West Sean John shirts, though.

What was the Sean John shirt? He made Sean John shirts, like, for Diddy.

Kanye's boobs. Yeah. No, I haven't paid attention. I've been out of the loop. I didn't know about the full Nazi album.

Yeah.

You don't think she just got rid of the baby?

Oh, yeah, I did the roast battle last night. Just your first show. Oh. Yeah, and I was drinking. Oh, okay, yeah.

actually hurt my feelings i finally got to meet alexis fox she was one of the judges who's that that was the lady who gave me the uh flashlight i finally got to meet her oh yeah flashlight or her like like her specific flashlight did you go up to a pussy felt great no wait what'd you say you go up to and go pussy felt great true broke you off a little sample

The slut army would devastate you.

If there's a clone army, I'm going to take out all the slut liking parts. We're going to be like just pure.

No way. You've got to be. No, Nate's the horniest guy. He's the Paul K. Trudeau. He's royalty.

Hasn't it already caught on?

No, you mean like in Germany? It's not like catching on like Germany, but it's building some steam, dude.

Yeah.

I don't want to be the black guy that does it. You said you don't? Yeah.

Lemaire's good in the pool, man. He's not at all.

Me and Matt were in Dania at the pool when I was letting it go.

Learn how to swim. It's to conquer the stigma and the stereotype.

Yeah. I'm down. I'm trying to move on to Butterfly.

Yeah.

Yeah, no dick shots. Dick shots are off the table.

Yeah, but I'm not.

It's the craziest thing of all time.

And they take the dolphin away before they do it because they know it's bad.

They know it's rape.

If they're a bad guy in the movie, they're still like the star of the movie, like Training Day. Like Denzel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Training Day. Or I guess John Q, he was kind of the bad guy. It's always Denzel. Denzel being a hero? Yes, Denzel being kind of a hero, bad guy.

That's nice.

Nate, are you skinny? Do you lose some weight? I haven't been drinking as much and I've been in the gym. I might have lost a little. You lost a lot of weight.

I would never leave the Unk sphere.

I don't think I can leave it. I think I'm too dug in now.

Fuck. It looks scary. It's like all the cardinals descending upon like the Vatican. It looks scary. You should be scared. You should fear God, homie.

I'll look it up. I didn't know they told you that. It's like, this is a young Catholic prospect from Minnesota.

Hey, everybody. It's me, Lamerigan. What you guys? You're full of shit, dude.

This is a squat. Hey, would you come to my show in Florida at Coastal Creative on May 9th? Let me test the fucking position. On May 9th.

May 9th and on Friday. It's not going anywhere. Saturday, May 10th where I'm cool headlining with John Rutnitsky or whatever.

I'm not better, but I didn't like that it happened.

Indonesia. Dude, I think China stands with India right now. Do they? Yeah. We would, too. Yeah.

He just said, I'm Gardini. He was like, I'm Sean Gardini. And it worked. Oh, so no.

Short answer.

I'm trying to make sure. No, it didn't get clipped. It just fell. It just fell over? Yeah, it just started going too fast. They were flying? Yeah, dude.

Somebody was saying the other day, it's crazy that the Wingstop commercial isn't racist because it's just a black guy.

It's a trap. He's trying to pull out a Jenga piece, and then they put a piece of chicken in his face, and he's like, whoa, and his eyes knock over the Jenga. Oh, that's the other one.

That blows, dude. I forgot. I forgot.

No, I never really had chains.

Your shoe's untied? My shoe's untied. I was going to tie it, but I just ran out of the other way.

Hey.

Hey, everybody. It's LaMere. May 9th and May 10th, I'm going to be at Coastal Creative in Florida. You guys got to come to that, please. Where's Coastal Creative in Florida? St. Pete, Florida. St. Petersburg, Florida, I think. Yes. Yeah. And then Optimum Noctis at the Creek in the Cave, May 6th. We have a great lineup. Oh, who's on it? Nate Marshall. Nate Marshall.

I see the wheels turning over there.

Yeah, I'm a little sleepy. He's groggy, bro.

Turn it up. Yeah, I was having a who last night.

Yeah, I was with the bros and the babes.

Yeah. Had a long one, you know? Tied it on. Yeah.

I think it has to be Farrah Abraham, honestly.

Can't bring up the poop vid.

We were beating around the poop bush.

How did you beat around the bush?

No. You don't want to train on the blob with the fellas?

Trains are gross.

You're exactly right.

Quantum entanglement.

Here we go. I'll find a professor from the University of Texas. Oh, yes.

Get those on.

I got one. Rachel Dolezal. Dolezal. Yeah.

Texas racial studies.

She was getting nasty on the OnlyFans for a while.

Oh, that's pretty good. That's nice.

Yeah, somebody's doing it.

Like, it's crazy. Why are we doing this?

You probably did.

Oh, that's a tough question. That's a tough question.

I was like, well, first of all, a lot of them are lying to you.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Unless you sock, say it, and then sock them, that's a hate crime.

I mean.

And you're like, cracker. And then that's a hate crime.

Yeah.

Yeah. What if he just mouths it?

Amscray Negro. You just chill.

Damn it, dude. I blew it.

There's only one sports team out here.

You guys have to go really bad. You have to shit? Yeah.

It's Nate's coffee.

I'm going to.

Academics was the worst part of that interview, I think. You think so?

What, when he's sitting in his room? Just sitting there.

I thought you'd be part of 14. No, that's way too high. That's way too high.

Under the bus. Way under the bus. Because I don't think pedophiles should be beat up.

I didn't poison you.

It's definitely a Klan outfit. I got to make a correction. I think the black makes it Dia de los Muertos. What is it? The Day of the Dead? Yeah.

The Dia de los Muertos costumes look exactly like that.

I don't know if Nate wants this to be out there, but he had a harrowing scene. One of his childhood best friends were, like, homeless in Austin. And he had to see them in, like, 15 minutes.

I live in an encampment down south.

Thank you.

Matt, thank you for bringing us to your good time forum.

Thank you.

That's a new symbol.

Thank you.

Thank you.

What? The flooded out swastika.

Thank you. Thank you.

On both sides, man.

I can't remember the guy. He's like, JC, John Legend, John Legend in his hot sweaters.

Dude, you give Kanye West $100 million in 30 minutes, he's cooking everybody.

P P That was close.

So it's gila venom. Yeah, but they wouldn't have noticed that if they didn't have one of those weird research grants where it's like, study the saliva of a gila monster.

None of the ID stuff that got taken away was pharmaceutical stuff. It was all like civilian programs across over there.

I also saw another thing that said, uh, they actually didn't cut as much as they said.

That condoms in Afghanistan thing is real. Get rid of that. Yeah. Let them let them make their jihadi babies.

But I would say, to be fair, everybody does want to come here because of the things we have dropped, like, culturally and, like, our programs that expand our reach, our cultural reach.

Like, everywhere, everywhere, most countries, people want to come here. They're like, the American dream, the American freedom, golden roads, you know?

It's only 17 cents.

You shouldn't be in politics. I'm not. Wait, maybe you should be in politics.

I don't think it's the job again. I think it's we're skipping out on the real problem. And I think it's the corporate overlords.

That's the actual problem. It's not the politics. It's the guys influencing them. The guys influencing us.

They're like beach town mayor. Those guys fucking party.

Beach town mayors are cool.

We actually own water. You can't drink it anymore.

There's somebody always coming in for your job.

Yeah.

Worst, uh, politics, like government, like ever. It takes so long to get shit done.

He's going to get castrated like Plato, isn't he? Didn't Socrates or Plato get castrated?

Colgate's about to hit you with a $50,000 grant to your fucking business.

I bet he'd have, like, a fucking, like, he'd have an army of homeless by the end of it.

Look at these fresh Sean John and leather KKK's fits.

That's what I heard about Kanye, too. You heard about Iggy Azalea did an interview with Kanye, and Kanye went over to Iggy, who was like, Is your boyfriend fucking other people? And she's like, what? And he was like, does he got a big dick? Yeah. And she was like, what? He was like, if your boyfriend got a big dick, you got to let him fuck other people. And he started laughing at her.

All right, I don't care until it's a million. Let's get these numbers up.

damn holy shit what the fuck happened that's almost about as many pedophiles like oh yeah true that's pretty high it's just slightly higher than that 18 is not good no that's not good 18 in one year one year is nuts damn if you think about it okay so i'm trying to leave it for trump No, dude. Eggs went up, and then people were like, I can't afford eggs. I can't afford a house.

I forgot about the economy.

Because they had to burn down, like... Did they burn down... That bird flu shit, yeah. Yeah, they burned down a couple chicken farms, like, on the East Coast.

I ain't worried about it. Ain't nothing wrong with no bird flu.

Actually, I think there was, like, a human that caught bird flu, too, from this stuff. None...

Yeah. Well, Iggy Azalea said that recently.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sounds right to me. Yeah.

Yeah, you've been there, done that.

Two years is still a wreck on your body.

Yeah, he's full piggin'.

That's a fair point.

You got to wait for like when they're real bad. What do you mean security? Like you got to watch them running away with stuff. You like you ain't nothing but some. I don't know.

Yeah. This doesn't help Billy's Shane CIA theory.

That'll change. That would change.

family dynamics all over the country what do you mean how so like can you imagine just finding out your grandpa like gay porn then your dad would be pissed and then you'd be pissed because your shit's all out there yeah so it's like yeah you could try it but the thing they could be like yeah you're looking at that gay shit grandpa he could be like pull your shit up and be like

You've been trying to prove this point for so many years and you finally fall a victim.

So you're going to get arrested, dude. Dude, I saw a meme that said every rapper from the 2010s is dead now. Like all the like drill rappers, they're pretty much dead.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. My family's okay.

He's not, your cousin isn't on the internet, dude. I know it's come back.

It's not like you're being a woke ass, dude.

The problem with the N-word, if I can add some intelligence to this for you, I don't think the problem is that white people are saying it. It's the problem is that people expect black people to act on people saying it. That's what I'm saying.

He hates the woke ass. How am I woke ass?

That's the problem part that sucks.